Men can be great too, and being a man has lots of perks (beyond even those imposed by patriarchy). Look for allies and you will find them in all gender flavours.
oh for sure. Wasn't being serious, dysphoria is there and makes me basically think of existing as a man as hell and finding out that's not everyone was interesting to say the least.
I remember one day realizing it was odd that my dad would hug my mom but my mom would never hug him back. She would just stand there and let him hug her. Yeah he was an abusive husband and I was very happy for her when she finally left him after over a decade!
Knee pain. Everyone told me it was normal growing pains, until one little league coach notice I run weird. Queue years of doctors and specialists and tests and scans and surgeries, and now I'm a 40 something guy with advanced arthritis that could have been much much worse if left untreated.
My parents took me to see doctors, who told them it was just growing pains and suggested I exercise more to lose weight. I saw three specialists and had a bunch of xrays before anyone noticed the shady spots on my cartilage. Osteochondritis Dissecans occurs in 15-30 people out of 100,000, and most of the primary care doctors I've had in my life had never heard of it.\
I can't blame my parents for that. I can blame them for a lot of things, but they did their best.
I mean, yeah? Is that really so bad. I guess it depends what the intent was. The town I grew up in was pretty tame, and the room I'd get locked in without food or water if I'd misbehaved had books
I was locked outside of the house for long periods of time and had to drink from the garden hose / garden faucet, and pee in the bushes. We also had like 10+ apple trees. It wasn't that bad. A bit boring sometimes.
But that's because it was outside and I could get my needs covered and meet friends.
Locked inside without these needs covered for extended periods is a lot worse in my opinion. Even cats and dogs have those needs covered.
It's also about the lack of freedom when locked inside.
I would not treat my own children like I was treated, and especially not like you were.
Yeah, I just remember it being boring too. I'm also not really a person who can't go a few hours without water, so I never felt I was being neglected.
I dont think I'd lock my kid indoors, but I do admit that when it happened to me after I'd been fighting my siblings or something, it was just treated as a time where I would chill out and read a book to wind down. Once dinner was ready, I'd get called for dinner, and everything seemed normal.
So I'd probably try to create a cool down zone with my kids if I ever have them, maybe a comfy chair they're not allowed to leave for a few hours?
I agree that "people should have access to clean water". Let's not confuse sending a child to their room to wind down when they're throwing a fit with torture.
No one takes harm from lack of water in a mild climate over the course of a couple hours. The reason it's bad to lock a kid in the basement (or any other room) is that you're taking away their freedom (which may be, to some point, justified and correct) and potentially making it harder for them to trust you. However, kids also need to learn that there are limits to how you can behave, and consequences for breaking those limits. Where the limit between "reasonable consequences for teaching children" and "trust-breaking punishment" lies is a fair discussion to have. No need to pull "locking a kid in their room is torture" into it.
I don't think it counts as locking them away without food or water if they don't become thirsty or hungry while grounded. Grounding my son for an hour, technically he has no water or food, but if he asked for it I'd give it to him.
No, that's mostly fair, and it wasn't my point to state that sending a kid to their room equals torture. But I hope you can understand that witholding water is not a good thing, ever. Kids might not express (or fleven feel) the thirst. And that can definitely be a bad thing. Take into account possible emotions that involve crying or just warm weather etc. and they could easily get dehydrated. Losing just a few % of bodyweight water can be negatively impacting already.
Dude no! Like a 15 minute time out is ok. But if they ask for water they should be given it. Locked away alone in a room without supervision for hours? No. That is not normal. At all.
The only acceptable intent would be something like saving your child from a murderer assaulting your family and there not being enough time for supplies.
I mean, yeah? Is that really so bad. I guess it depends what the intent was. The town I grew up in was pretty tame, and the room I'd get locked in without food or water if I'd misbehaved had books
In high school, my friend ran Linux. I was over at his house and he had to go take a shit or something, and I was trying to see what games he had on his computer. When he got back he asked what the hell I did because he now has to reboot, and we're going to have to watch it do that for the next half hour. And penguins and hats.
That's pretty much everything I ever needed to know about Linux.
So, "Living" card games doesn't mean anything to me, but you did trigger card games in general, which could take me a while. I've probably spent a majority of my waking life playing Magic, Poker, Hearthstone, Silver, Smash up, and various other card games. Most recently, I'm obsessed with Balatro.
That being said...
Are you about to open a Pandoras box by making me look up Living Card Games?
Mate, if you're into CCGs, you really missed out by not getting into LCGs! Android:Netrunner, a remake of the original Netrunner from the 90s is the absolute GOAT CG out there with a close second being the Doomtown:Reloaded (which I helped design). Basically it was CGs without the luck/gambling. Just get all the cards and make exactly all the decks you want.
Unfortunately Netrunner and Doomtown run out of steam half a decade ago, but they're still developed by their fans, but usually the only way to play them consistently is online in places such as Jinteki.net. There's a few others still in production, but iirc they're co-operative ones, like Arkham Horror
I really like netrunner but I can't find anyone to play with (I prefer in person opponents). It is also the first thing that comes to mind when I think of living card games.
Genuinely. This is sadly how my memory works. It's gotten better since I had a partner who I would talk to everyday with the inane question, "so how was your day?"
Then suddenly I had to learn how to summarize recent aspects of my life.
And then you're like, "*shit, that happened to me today? shouldn't I be angry about that?*"
You ADHD? I was almost 40 before I learned about inattentive type ADHD. As far as I knew, ADHD was spastic kids that couldn't sit still. Since I was more of the daydream and fall asleep type, I never would have thought I was part of that crowd.
You can train yourself to become more attuned to your interoception. This will make it easier to identify internal prompts like anxiety or hunger. In fact, a friend of mine was studying to become a psychotherapist and last year had me serve as a guinea pig for interoception interventions. In summary, if you find mindfulness practices that involve your body and your own thoughts, you'll be more attuned to your interoception. Things like active meditations can help a lot. You can check out evidence-based and peer-reviewed programs like Healthy Minds.
You can train yourself not just to notice your interoception, but also to use interoception to build habits. I suspect this is what the people who do not use external prompts (like stickies) do: they have habits that kick in with not-so-evident prompts. They could be using something called an 'action prompt' or an 'internal prompt'. I'm using the language of Tiny Habits because it's helpful in this context.
Tiny Habits can teach you how to create habits of all kinds, whether you use external, action, or internal prompts. Tiny Habits prefers prompts that are actions (e.g. "After I put the toothbrush down then I will pick up the dental floss"). But internal prompts are perfectly viable (e.g. "When I feel the heat on my skin and the tension in my jaw, I will describe my inner emotions to myself as if I was listening to a good friend").
You can understand cues and habits more in depth with contextual behavior analysis. CBA or a qualified professional can help us notice when we struggle to pay attention because of conditions like ADHD or anxiety. Something else that CBA can reveal is that, sometimes, we struggle to pay attention because we haven't developed the mental information highways that can make our thoughts flow freely. Things like relational frame training can help us build those highways faster. Another option is to learn to think visibly (Harvard's Project Zero) about our everyday life, so that we build dense information highways that we can later use in daily life.
Of course, the fact is that plenty of humans use external prompts deliberately to help them coordinate and remember things. There's a reason Scrum boards and Kanban are so popular. There's a reason calendar apps and Getting Things Done are so popular. There's a reason many societies have daily, weekly, or yearly rituals. You're among friends :)
I don't know if this counts, but when I was little I'd go to friends houses, then later in high school to my first serious girlfriends house, and I remember their families were like... loving? I loved spending time at my girlfriends house especially, hanging out with her Mom and her Dad even if my gf wasn't there. They were so nice, and you could tell had genuine affection for their children (and to some degree, me). I miss you Mr. and Mrs. Miller!
That's me. I had no idea other families were affectionate and said crazy stuff like, "I love you." My god, they even hug.
To this day I struggle with affection, even though I love it. If you touch me unexpectedly I'll involuntarily flinch. I don't mind, at all, but I still jerk and can't help it.
Heh that was my experience too. But I grew up with a single parent who spent all his time working, so most people's childhoods weren't spent climbing 5 floors of scaffolding for fun
Met my partner and was astounded by her loving family
Poor you! It must have been terribly frustrating that the doctor wouldn't take you seriously. Seems to be a frequent thing women go through in the medical world. Hope you're okay now.
My wife went through something similar. Took until she was in her 30s and we were pursuing IVF for someone to take her seriously and actually do the investigation to realize she had crazy scarring from endometriosis causing all kinds of issues.
It's insane to me how much the modern medical community seems to normalize or straight up ignore this shit, like you said.
I realize we could have pushed harder, but when multiple doctors tell you "yeah, some women just experience periods differently, here's 500mg Naproxen to help you through" you tend to believe it.
I'm so sorry. I hope that the two of you are doing well.
It's an actual tragedy how women's health is dealt with. They get brushed off because "women have been giving birth for hundreds of thousands of years!", ignoring that it's the number one thing that kills women!! So our reproductive health and concerns are ignored while the ability to reproduce is put onto a pedestal.
My pop history theory is that it's a latent cultural memory of the Biblical tradition. Remember how Eve was cursed with the pain of childbirth after giving Adam the fruit? Western culture has a history of seeing women's pain as a result of this ancient curse. Now, I imagine few doctors today are explicitly thinking about the Garden of Eden when diagnosing patients, but the cultural memory remains, if greatly diluted and distorted.
Some people did a thing with a specially configured tens machine where the woman would turn it the levels up and up until it was at the level of their normal period pain and then the man would go through the same levels stages and be gasping and writhing before it got there.
Turns out men have been massively underestimating period pain for centuries.
That said, some women experienced far, far higher levels than normal and were encouraged to take that data to a non-dismissive healthcare professional.
They're were a lot of men who insisted on immediate medical attention who got told that their partners had tried that and absolutely nothing would come of it.
Hey, I know this is random, but was the pain, like, in the lower abdomen and like... Not really a muscle cramp, but deeper?And did physical activty make it better or worse? Asking for a friend. 👀
Pain was deep, ye. Can't answer the question about physical activity because it rendered me unable to do any! But, yes, exerting any kind of physical effort seemed to make it worse.
I would lie on the cold bathroom floor every month with a heating pad / hot water bottle on my stomach, but it gave little relief through the simultaneous hot flashes and cold sweats.
Two things that actually helped somewhat if I could catch it hours before it started were: eating bananas (I suspect potassium helped with cramping), and, weirdly.. drinking pickle juice. Idk what that was about, but it worked.
But have "your friend" get checked for endometriosis and PCOS!!! That shit can actually escape your uterus and scar up / destroy your other organs!!! No joke!!!!
She might just do that because your experience sounds very similar to her "stories." She also can't move when it happens and is left pretty hobbled until it passes, but moving makes it worse... So I've heard. 👀
Why is there no helpful suggestion under this comment? I have multiple tics too and I want someone to tell me "just sprinkle some cinnamon on your ass and they will go away!"
Apparently, it isn't normal to just space out during a test. Yeah, I went through K-12, undergrad, and grad school with an undiagnosed learning disability. This was only one of the symptoms...
This was a really recent realization for me.
I am one of the people who can voluntarily activate the tensor tympani muscles in my ears to create a low level rumbling sound. I recently tried explaining this to someone else and they still think I am making it up.
You are not alone! I have always been able to do that too. It still doesn't help with the tinnitus I've had since I was 4 or 5 though.
What was a revelation to me was the idea that everyone was only sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night. I thought I was perfectly normal in not sleeping for normal time spans. And despite the drugs and cpap machine I'm prescribed, I still can only sleep 5 or 6 hours now and often less. But I often am able to get to REM sleep now.
I use to control it before, but since I'm on some other medecine, it start to have its own will.
It happen to me unvoluntary like every 5 or 10s. That's SO FUCKING ANNOYING !!!
I can do this as well, as can one of my siblings and my father so I assume there is a generic component. Used to call it "ear clicking" since it is audible to others if they put their ear to yours in a quiet environment.
I figured out that was the name when googling about it some years ago.
Is it just a click or also the described rumbling. Because I don't hear a rumbling but I do make the clicks when I notice that my ears need to adjust to the air pressure.
If you hold it tense you get a rumble as described but the first time I tense it will make a little click. If I keep applying tension and release eventually it will stop clicking and just I'll just hear the rumble and it will take a bit to "reset" to where it clicks again.
Humans are weird.
Edit: I quick kagi search turns up a Reddit thread saying the clicking is caused by "Voluntary Opening of the Eustachian Tubes" which is equalizing the pressure in my ears. That sorta explains why it stops clicking after a bit.
I don't remember where I was made aware of it, but it was probably this. I used to listen to NSTAAF regularly. This fact probably just got buried in the back of my head until it had the opportunity to come out now.
Just to clarify, since I don't know if my experience is what you all are describing: this sounds kind of like what I hear if I start a yawn. Is the rumbling sound just for a second or can you make it indefinitely? And can you also make a short click or series of clicks?
I can get those sounds if I tense up some muscle(s) that you would also use to start a deliberate yawn. The clicks are easy to make, with less tension, and the rumble happens with more tension and it's only for about a second or so. Also I definitely hear the rumble *during* a yawn. Does that sound like what you mean or am I describing something completely different?
When you yawn sometimes you hear a little clicking noise in your ear canals, it's earwax coming into contact briefly and separating, you can do it voluntarily similar to rumbling but I need to open my jaw a little for that effect
Everyone reading all the time at home. Pretty much every room had bookcases, full to bursting with books. When I was old enough to have friends around they all said how weird it was to have so many books.
My parents were really emotionally distant. I don't recall either of them telling them they loved me - or each other for that matter. No hugs or kisses. More than one of my girlfriends called me an emotional cripple.
Home-cooked food every night. We never ate out, never had takeaway. My mum was a great cook though so although my friends seemed to think it was weird I'd never had a MacDonalds when I finally did try it I didn't understand the hype.
I grew up thinking it was normal for grown men to be attracted to little girls. My mother had a habit of pointing out random men who just happened to be around and telling me they were staring at me/thinking about how beautiful I was/in love with my/trying to look up my skirt. The way she talked about it made it seem like it was a common, acceptable thing.
As a man, I was worried about that growing up, but the women I'm attracted to has aged with me. I'm friends with some women under 30 from the dog park, and I can appreciate they're pretty but they also look like kids. I hope they meet nice guys around their age.
I really wonder where they got this from! Strangely enough, when I was a teen and actually starting to get inappropriate attention from men, she would never believe that it happened.
Or rather, how so many people seem fear and avoid it, or can't do it. Something like 21% of adults in the US are illiterate, and the majority -- *54%* -- read at or below a 6th grade level.
I've been a sight reader probably since I was about six years old. I absolutely cannot look at any words legibly written in my native language and not understand them. You couldn't force me to look at words written in English and not digest them if you held a gun to my head. I fear no wall of text, no matter how tall it is.
It takes some effort to wrap your head around the notion that not only can most people not do this, but statistically speaking most or at least a plurality of people have to struggle or exert conscious effort to read and many of them are loathe to do so. And roughly one in five people simply *can't.* This did not sink in for me when I was younger.
I can't imagine having to live my life that way. You nerds have *seen* how much bullshit I write in a day; I'd go absolutely bats.
It takes some effort to wrap your head around the notion that not only can most people not do this, but statistically speaking most or at least a plurality of people have to struggle or exert conscious effort to read and many of them are loathe to do so. And roughly one in five people simply can’t. This did not sink in for me when I was younger.
what do you mean people look at words and don't process them automatically? Is there like, research on this i can read or something? I don't think i believe you.
I though people were just stupid, and chose not to.
i mean obviously, but unless you aren't teaching kids how to read/write in school, the amount of complete ignorance you would need to expend in your adult life to backslide so far on something so ingrained into your brain structure is genuinely impressive.
sentences in foreign languages are complete gibberish to me, unless i partly know how the grammar structure and language works, but that's also sort of automatic at that point, if i wanted to actually comprehend it, yeah i would have to put work into it, but that's literally me translating the sentence at that point lol.
As a kid I kept asking librarians why libraries were so empty of people if they had so many books and it took me years to understand the sadness in her shrug.
As someone with ADHD I see both sides here. I will devour a good book in no time. But put something i don't enjoy in front of me and I'd rather die than read it.
I’ve been using a book tracker app since the iPhone 4s (2011) just to keep track of what I buy - I don’t track anything else - because even way back then I had trouble remembering if I had a book or if I had just browsed it elsewhere.
In 2018, various functions (search, sort, stats, etc.) took a permanent dirt nap just as I was nearing the 3K number of entries. And these are just the books I own.
The size of the DB backup file has nearly doubled since then.
Now granted, a number of books I get need to go straight into storage before I can even read them, as I have not yet built my library. It’s already gone through several redesigns to stay ahead of the size of my collection, and right now I’m looking at movable library storage stacks - the kind that roll on miniature railway tracks and have wheel-like dogs at their ends that a person turns to easily move them back and forth (opening and closing an access corridor between the stacks for access to the books). I’m hoping to eventually have almost half a linear kilometre of shelving in my library once it’s built.
I cannot imagine the horror of being even semi-illiterate, much less fully illiterate. I absolutely love reading.
That sounds completely awesome and seems like a fulfilling goal to have in life! Please make sure though to set up some type of arrangement for if something happens to you with such a large and incredible collection like that. I've been involved with estate sales and have seen personal loved ones just completely overwhelmed with the amount of things to process after a relative's death. Getting rid of things just isn't on the table sometimes, things will sit and rot because of love and loss.\
That 3k+ of books could completely transform a public library and continue to touch the minds of generations to come if you set it up properly now (and won't be a future burden on a loved one).
As someone with deep roots in the sciences, and good access to the latest data and evidence surrounding anthropogenic climate change, I seriously doubt that there will be much civilization left by the time I shuffle off this mortal coil. All indications used to point towards widespread economic, societal, and ecological collapse in the latter half of this century, well past my effective lifespan, but recent (and strong!) evidence has moved that up considerably to not much past 2035. So no, I am not worried in the least about “burdening” anyone with my collection. I seriously doubt that there will be anyone left who will care. The few who remain will be too obsessed with surviving another day to give two shits about books. I just want to live long enough to read most of them in relative comfort.
picture books? not long texts that requires abstract thinking, like non-fiction, most definitely not HISTORY books, chemsitry, or math. a well written book is usually pretty dense, and a crappy one like some "cladestines operations" type novels are usually like a childs book.,
I was thinking that I can't imagine not immediately comprehending written words. Then I realized that I already do that in German. It takes a bit of effort. It's really surprising that so many people live their lives like that with their native language.
I honestly don't know how it can be possible, especially these days with everything done on phones and the internet. It does help me to understand the appeal of Tiktok, Instagram, YouTube, etc though.
When I got to high school I started taking book out from the library there. Over three years I took out about a dozen books that had never been read; they'd just been sitting on the shelves for years.
When I was a kid I noticed most books hadn't been checked out by more than 2 or 3 people. At one branch they'd just stamp the back inner cover of the paperback, no checkout slip and I asked "What happens when you run out of space to stamp?" and she just laughed sadly
The other thing is that when you're a reader you get a skewed view of the world. You hang out with other readers and talk about books, and grow up thinking that everyone knows who Sylvia Plath was.
On this same note, as an European it was insane for me to learn that school shootings like Sandy Hook, those are just the ones that go famous for some reason.
But in reality hundreds more happen throughout the year that don't go "viral" so they don't get reported at all.
Not true. If a single child is shot, or even shot *at*, it's national headline news. Caveat: That doesn't apply to inner-city children shooting each other. We, uh, don't talk about that.
If you look at some stats a "school shooting" is any time a gun goes off on school property. I could go down to the elementary school and pop one off at midnight. School shooting.
"Mass shootings" go this way as well. We all have an event in mind when that term comes up. There's quite a gap when you look at lies, damned lies and statistics. :) You might note that Mother Jones and The Violence Project are anything by conservative sources.
i am also not sure how this started, but i recently saw some armored school backpacks which made me realize how strong someone's love for the uneducated is.
Not being able to see anything when closing my eyes and not constantly hearing a voice in my head. I have aphantasia and thought people were always seeking metaphorically about seeing things in their head.
I only more recently learnt that people actually hear things as well as in like an internal monologue. To me, the whole thing sounds exhausting.
Very exhausting, especially when your stupid brain makes you roleplay possible future conversations with people in your head all day. Difficult to focus and so exhausting
Oh, I have that as well, it's just more like ... data, I guess? I think sometimes what I wrote makes people think I have no imagination or creativity; I definitely do but it's just different.
If you're curious when i consciously think about words, my mouth will move a little as if i'm sort of trying to say words, but otherwise generally i just type words as i need them. I cannot formulate an entire sentence without writing it down first. I often go back and completely rearrange and rewrite things because of this.
If you think this is weird, imagine how we read. Should be impossible by that definition.
I assume it's the way I think of 3d objects which is that I have some sort feeling of its shape and the distance of a point to one of its surfaces. So just something that doesn't mimic a standard sense.
I still have the voice (and the music…) just no pictures, except when I'm really tired and it's dark. It's funny because a friend of mine has the exact opposite (pictures but no voice).
Think I have this. Only time I can really picture anything. At least above a part of a vague shape or higher resolution, is when I've recently woken up. Even then it's a hit or miss. Wonder if it's a wall to creativity.
it's weird if you're an aphant, because you adapt by just speaking outloud, and internally understanding things, the only real situation where it becomes problematic is when someone tries explaining it to you, because you're on the other side of a cliff, basically.
reading you can sort of mentally supplant. It's really weird, but i'm very immersed into reading, like i comprehend the world building, and the writing, and the characters, and all the interactions, i can *feel* the environment. I can't see anything, or hear anything, but i *know* what it looks like (at least i think) and i *know* what it sounds like.
Think about it as if it's a dream, and it starts to make more sense, it's just like a conscious dream, spurred by really good story telling.
In both cases, the words just... go straight from words to comprehension? It's kind of hard to answer that question, because introspection of the process isn't possible. I mean, I just look at words and know what they mean. From experience, I think I read about 3 times faster than most other people, what with not having to wait to hear them spoken by an internal voice. (Subtitles in the same language as the audio are maddening, because I can't not read them, and then have to wait so long for the speech to catch up.)
The subtitles thing is odd. I also read them instantly but it's not a bother. Spend the rest of the time focusing on other things ksyaed of what they're trying to say. It's lovely
(Subtitles in the same language as the audio are maddening, because I can’t not read them, and then have to wait so long for the speech to catch up.)
actually this, but it goes both ways, spoken voice and written text can go fuck itself, and subtitles on spoken words can go fuck itself. Actual comprehension hell.
You are assuming the internal voice is more of a presence. Its more the background exhaust of thinking. I don't have to listen to my inner voice say it, as I read silently they just fall out the back of my head as I go.
i can build concepts in my head, without words or images. And just put them down, ofc i fumble a bit, because i'm not perfect, but i intuitively and innately understand concepts. Just based on my experience with that particular thing, much like an LLM can spit out actual real grammar and words that make actual real sense when you ask it to.
Sharing socks. My family used to have a sock basket next to our shoes. You didn't own your own socks, you just grab a pair when you need them.
I mentioned "the sock basket" offhand to a friend in elementary school and she thought it was crazy. That's when I learned that not every family has a community sock basket. Looking it up though, I find a couple reddit threads from people with the same experience (and people replying that it's weird) 🤷♀️
This was the first thing I thought of. I wonder what percentage of households consist of members who all have the same foot size? That's got to be abnormal. What, do the 5 year olds suddenly sprout size-12 feet? They don't wear socks before then?
Man with a size 8 shoe could probably still wear a "Large" sock and be fine.
~75% of women wear a size 7-9
Women with 6 or 6.5 should still be able to wear a 7-9 sized sock.
Families have genetically similar feet
I know from my experience, my father, my brother, and I all wear the same size. We all had different preferences and our own socks, but I could have easily worn their socks.
Yeah it's definitely more reasonable than maybe it seems.
As kids we had pretty similarly sized feet. And I don't think I noticed if the socks I was wearing were too big or too small anyway, even now I have some socks that are bigger or smaller than others.
And my parents had their own socks, so the sock basket was just for me and the sibs.
My daughters share school socks, because they are all the same colour and shape.
So I guess this concept isn't too unreasonable to do it on a whole family level.
This is unintentionally how we do it. We split up the socks after cleaning them but like a day later mom is wearing the oldest ones socks and the oldest one is wearing dads socks, and the little one has one sock from the older brother and another he found under the couch buried in dog hair.
Nobody "dresscoded" me at home. As soon as I was old enough to pick my own clothing, I could. What skirts or jeans or dresses I wore was my choice completely. My school also didn't care much.
Blew my mind when I realized how many other girls had to sneak out with their clothes because the parents had a rule against tight jeans or whatever.
I still think my parents were right with this one. The kids with the strictest rules were always those with the craziest outfits. Can't blame them, I'd have done the same.
My parents were the chill, openly weed-smoking guys that wouldn't rat you out to your parents if you needed help (like a place to stay while coming down or whatever)
This policy was explicitly because my dad worked yard supervision at the local elementary schools and 100% knew that those with the strictest parents were the ones who needed it the most as they had nowhere safe to go. The abused kids were second, many of them were neglect babies in our area so they got fucked up and went home to parents who didn't care
I went to a charter school for my freshman year that was mostly full of people who were kicked out of the school they kick you out of if you're a problem child. Almost all of them were children of parents who worked long-ass days and came home to be strict as fuck
The class president of my senior class would bring his "punk" clothing in a backpack and change in the school bathroom every morning. Blew my mind. My parents couldn't give a shit what I wore.
Don't do this to your kids if you think that was wrong, lol. I know people who grew up like this, complained to me and then started to behave the exact same way with their kids later on.
Is this a thing for knees? Every once in a while, my knees just pop out of their sockets. It's incredibly painful, and I have to move them back by hand. I went to a doctor when I was like 18 though, and they took an x-ray, and couldn't find anything
Child abuse. I thought it was normal to threaten children with violence for noncompliance. I thought it was normal to be afraid to misbehave or be suboptimal in school at the threat of violence.
I don't think my father would consider spankings, with wooden paddle or leather belt, child abuse. It was a threat that I fell afoul of a few times at school or home.
Depending on your age, that level of "child abuse" might be normal. (Not that it should be.)
I didn’t wanna be too graphic, but a spanking is nothing lol. My father attempted to beat me to death me a couple of times for defying his absolute authority (imagine thinking a pre-teen is in any way a threat to “authority”).
Ah, yeah, my father only threatened to fight me once, and he never did. (I think he felt I was directly questioning his authority when non-family members were present, but the memory is hazy at best now.)
It does sound like your experience is abnormal. (But, I'm not really informed; just working from my experience, and hearsay.)
Taking multiple shits every day, after a friend pointed it out that wasn't normal I did a lactose test and found out I've been lactose intolerant all my life.
Kind of similar with me. It turned out IBS-like symptoms were one aspect of an Ankylosing Spondylitus diagnosis I got (posted about the disease in more detail yesterday). I had assumed I had a "fast metabolism" or something because I needed the bathroom almost immediately after eating a meal.
that usually sounds like diarrhea, or very loose stool which is not normal. if your poop is not a nice solid sausage or a color. dint you notice any pain in your sacral region, i heard thats the most common before other joint pain comes in, plus the fusion.
Growing up in a house with hoarder parents:
- Having absurd amounts of pretty much anything standing around in the house.
- Parents going through your trash and blaming you for throwing away certain things that were 'still good to use' (they weren't).
We had 3 breadmakers. 2 were in new in box for multiple years
Why hadn't they chosen like cabbage patch kids or game consoles
NOOOO they had to hoard kitchen counter appliances.
My dad is 80+, has a pristine vitamax blender in box but still uses a crappy one he got at a thrift store because he wants to get as much out of his investment as possible
i have them, they will literally fight you physically, kick and scream if you try to throw anything out. its a problem if they start to get mouse/rat infestation, even then they dont think about it. or getting canes, or old pet food, picking up someones used sports bottle off the street
Were you all able to find stuff? I knew hoarders who had about a dozen pairs of scissors because they had to buy new ones so often, forgetting where the old ones were.
a hoarder have more than just a large number of one things. they include things like trash they dont throw away, empty boxes, and bags ,,,etc which pile up somewhere. random stuff they think is useful from a street corner.
When I was much younger: that normal people could see much further than me.
One of my oldest memories is going into a McDonald's for the first time with glasses; I stopped and read the entire menu, because I couldn't believe normal people could read it as soon as you walked in. I always had to get up to the counter to make it out.
A woman I used to know said when she got glasses for the first time, she was amazed at being able to discern leaves on trees from further than a couple meters.
O my god. This is so relatable. I was 14 or so when a girl in my class told me I need contact lenses because I couldn't read the school board unless I sat in the front (spoiler, I sat in the back).
And I was like nahh. Then I got a checkup and I was already at like -2. Then I wore lenses for years and I absolutely hated them. They stick to my eyes. Then only at like 18 I got glasses (not cool to teenage me) and I never switched back.
Maybe they should give children check ups, at least once in their life lol.
Having near constant racing thoughts and always feeling like you have to work on something and if you don't it makes you anxious. I thought my boyfriend was the alien for being able to not think about anything at all and just chill and do nothing.
it's weird for me, i have ADHD traits, and also explicitly non ADHD traits, i think it's probably comorbidity with something else rather than explicitly ADHD. But that's neurology for you, sometimes it's clear, sometimes it's not, sometimes it makes no fucking sense.
I can stare at a wall just fine, but depending on what i'm doing, i need a certain minimum amount of stimulation, and just *doing* things feels so good.
Not diagnosed here too. 99pct sure I'm in the club. For 47 years I've been written off as "absent-minded" (yet everyone seeks my advice for major life shit) or "ornery" (more when I was a kid). It's just incredibly frustrating, it feels like every doc I've ever brought it up to basically just dismisses me, taking about how rare adult ADHD actually is.
...this post was just basically supposed to say "yeah I feel that"... So yeah
I've been written off as "absent-minded" (yet everyone seeks my advice for major life shit)
I feel this in my bones. My family has always labeled me as "aloof, absent-minded, head in the clouds"... and somehow always seem to forget that I'm the one that shows up or gets called when shit goes sideways
I've tried to accept that it's just an "endearing" label from them, and they don't actually believe I'm unreliable... because they still (individually) fall back on me whenever they need someone to come through. I'm an "aloof crisis hotline" I guess
being aloof or absent minded isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just a different type of engagement with the world, would it be nice if we didn't forget shit the second object permanence stops applying? Yeah, can we work around it, also yeah.
I sometimes randomly end up thinking about nothing but usually I'm in the racing thoughts area. So you're saying that is something not everybody needs to deal with? Is that how they fall asleep?
Yeah all I can do is make my vision blurry, but I can't consciously adjust the distance at which I place my focus, it's just where I look. I was surprised by the fact that my eyes looked the same too.
That's interesting, for most people the brain just substitutes in the image of where your eye moves to, so it feels instantaneous. (there's no noticeable blindness) But you can see throughout the full movement?
In a similar vein, I never understood having a "dominant eye". I honestly don't really understand the concept, I guess most people's brains will cancel out information from one eye?
I've heard of this test before, and it makes no sense to me. If I focus on a distant object, I see two images of my hand, one for each eye. So I'd have to choose which one to put over the object.
If I focus back on my hand, the two images align, and I see both images of the background. It's just that I'm always seeing information from both eyes.
If anything, from my perspective it's everyone else who I would expect to have difficulties with depth perception. You're only perceiving one eye consciously, (In the binocular overlap region), and the other eye is just used for depth information by your subconscious, is that correct?
No the brain does funky stuff mixing the pictures together. If I move something close enough to my face it appears in view twice seemingly semi-transparent. The rest of my visual perception remains unaffected though.
Are you also constantly aware of your blind spot(s)? (Something that with the single image is completely invisible)
That's interesting, I can see both circles but my hand does always go to my right eye unless I force myself to look at the other. That makes sense I guess because my right eye is more focused at a distance. I wonder if that switches though when I look at something close up for a while, because my left eye is more focused then.
I'm kind of weird I think in that I can focus further away than something I'm looking at, but I can't focus closer than something I'm looking at. At the same time though I can cross my eyes to converge closer, but can't push them apart to converge further away.
This is definitely the norm in many, many countries. This is the first generation, at least in a long while, where buying a home is looking completely impossible for many...
Honestly, until you pay off your house then you’re just fucking renting it from the bank as your landlord. We’re all renting, we just like to present it as if we’re not. Yes, equity can be built which is different but at its core it’s still the same.
The bank doesn't own the house, they just have a significant lien against it. Maybe a potato potato situation (how are you supposed to spell that phrase 🤔), but it is an important distinction.
Landlords can get pissed if you paint the walls/change appliances/remodel/etc., but so long as the property is properly insured (and you make your loan payments on time) the bank probably isn't going to bother you.
Landlords can --- and do --- place restrictions on quiet hours, guest policy, who is allowed to live there, etc. Owning is definitely different.
sounds like HOA, they enforce all kinds of BS. our state is so friendly to tenants, they even trashed the place and the homeowners cant do anything about it, or is too scared.
Basically every virtue I was ever told was worthy to embody has been used against me as a weapon or a tool
And of the hundreds of people I know IRL less than 10% give any of these internal value or even attempted to put into practice
And here I've been a sucker all my life doing the proper social contract thing because I don't like the way the world is shaping up and getting CONSTANTLY bent over for it
I think it's hard for both in different ways but let's never discount which gender by a large margin leads the suicide count
Being a boy is lonely in ways girls will never know
Being a girl is stressful in ways boys will never know
Boys can handle the kinds of stresses that overwhelm girls, in a way that's why we are here
On the other hand, I've almost never met a girl who when exposed to just how needy we are on the inside doesn't respond with at least slight disgust. Only twice have I ever seen true compassion and even then the experience was harrowing for them.
I have an issue with being remembered in person (at least that's what my therapist said). I will go to different chains of the same store on rotation, or stop going to a store all together if they remember me "too much." I'll wait until shift changes or that it's been long enough that they've forgotten about me. I've stopped going to certain places all together if there's no alternatives. Outside of lemmy, I have no social media. I don't want anyone to ever be able to look me up. Apparently people don't do that.
Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
Wondering what people were thinking/picturing when they bought their clothes (not in a "wow, that's ugly, what were they thinking" but what they saw themselves as. Did they see this suit and think of themselves as a ceo? Did she buy thay dress and imagine the places she'll wear it? That sort of thing).
Having multiple paths to one place. I could get to my classes or office multiple ways. I would rotate, take these stairs one day, this elevator the next, etc.
I believed everyone had some kind of food that would give them the boo-boos. I'm actually just lactose intolerant.
Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
I don't do this all the time, but definitely with desserts and sweets. Both from the perspective of being able to savor it longer, and also for portion control.
I would think doing otherwise is weird. I mean a table spoon barely fit into a single portion of yoghourt or icecream. It would be more complicated and weird to insisted on eating them with a tool design to drink soup.
Although technically I do use the larger spoon for single serving ice cream - when I was at school I got frustrated by cheap flatware bending on me, so now for something hard I prefer the sturdier choice
Yeah, I've got this issue as well (nothing that better quality spoon can solves but my finances is out of topic) but I'm speaking about the ice you buy in single serving. It's not a serving within a big owl but a serving pack tight in some carton bowl just big enough.
I'm screen shotting this and the other reply. My friend asked for a spoon and I was like, "regular or little?" and she acted like I was insane. How the tables have turned.
I do something similar to the clothing thing but with buildings. Like if I see an old run down store I think about if that was someone's dream to run and it just didn't work, or they retired and it fell apart. I develop weird empathy for buildings doing this 😅
I used to feel bad every time I saw a newly-opened small business that had closed.
It's still sad sometimes. However, ever since I *worked* in a few small businesses, I got to see just how *batshit* some small business owners are.
Now when I look at a "new" small business that just closed, I can't help but suspect that a power-tripping owner probably fucked it all up through their own arrogance.
I get the building thing in rural Australia gold rush towns where there'll be some amazing stone building that was probably a bank or similar place of business but has since become a cafe or junk shop.
I have that issue #2 at least when it comes to going to stores and restaurants. As soon as the staff recognizes me I never want to go again for some reason.
I have massive social anxiety that's probably the main part of it.
If I'm odd and they don't know me I'm just an odd customer. But if I'm odd and a regular than I'm an odd person they are thinking about a lot and that makes me nervous like I might mess up.
Outside of lemmy, I have no social media. I don’t want anyone to ever be able to look me up. Apparently people don’t do that.
i'm similar, for me it's less about recognition, more so about privacy. I'm fairly schizo, so i'm pre-disposed to a lot of weird behaviors regarding that. Just a weird quirk of my neurology i guess.
Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
i dont think this is that weird? They make cutlery in various sizes, there has to be a reason.
Maladaptive daydreaming, also called excessive daydreaming, is when an individual experiences excessive daydreaming that interferes with daily life. It is a proposed diagnosis of a disordered form of dissociative absorption, associated with excessive fantasy that is not recognized by any major medical or psychological criteria.
I think it's just the name given to "extreme" day dreaming. It's like having a TV on in the background for me. Sometimes I'll just blink and realize I've been gone for a bit. 😅
I'm with you on everyone of these, except the last one (but I know a ton who are lactose intolerant).
Now you got me thinking, are these things not normal or are we the actual normal ones.
Grab the one of the middle knuckles of one of your fingers firmly with your other hand. Now slide the skin to your fingertip, then down to the base knuckle.
What's that? You can't do that, because the skin is fixed in place? Well, imagine my surprise when I learned penises aren't supposed to be like that.
There's a whole range of procedures that fall under the umbrella term of circumcision, depending on how much they cut off. It goes from snipping off a little ring at the tip (the traditional bris), to outright removal of the entire mobile skin system. I figure I've lost at least 15 square inches (an index card size) of adult tissue.
its called phismosis, i believe. it can constrict your penis to the point to "strangle it" an untreated one can accumulated "smegma" and it theorized it poses a higher risk of penile malignancy, which is rare. theres a similar called paraphismosis, which can caused by inflammation.
3/week to 3/day is considered normal in many docs I read. As my body started to hate gluten, I was up to like 6/day. Now back down to 2-3 (but sorely missing bread, pizza, etc.)
A parent has Celiac's and I know I'm a carrier of one of the associated variants related to it from an old DNA test. For unrelated reasons (positive for blood fecal occult of yearly health check), I had cameras in basically all of me and they found no indications. However, I had been mostly gluten free for months. Before the stomach camera, I did eat gluten for a few days, but nothing interesting showed up. I was told I could do some blood tests off insurance at a high price (probably not too crazy since this is Japan and not the US), but it wouldn't actually be useful; currently there are no medications approved for use in relation to celiac's in Japan and it would just make my life insurance more expensive and have other potential weird side effects.
My mom and her side have always had issues as well, being diagnosed as IBS among other things. I chose to get sterilized so at least the problem, whatever it is, ends here, heh.
Try well aged hard cheese, most of the lactose is processed by the microbes. Naturally fermented yogurt is also low in lactose, but it needs to be thick and only 2 ingredients (milk and culture), if it is runny or has thickeners, avoid.
Good quality butter also has minimal lactose. It should basically be 100% fat.
Be careful though, it may be a dairy protein intolerance rather than lactose, usually this is more severe.
Vegan cheese isn't really a thing here in Japan (hell, "real" cheese in general isn't), but I can say Japan also has some pretty decent soy-based icecreams.
My family was super meat-centric for all holidays except Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Any meal where it's physically possible to barbecue, we would. And a family barbecue meant hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, pork steaks, and beef steaks -- one of each per person, plus a couple of extras. Sides were German-style slaw and potato salad. Buns were not included, but my grandma would always put a stack of white bread on the table (she was the only person who ever ate it).
When I started dating my husband and took him to a family holiday, he was shocked by the fact that my whole family was eating hamburgers and hot dogs with flatware instead of on buns. And he was actually sad at the lack of side dishes.
When I went to one of his family barbecues, I was sad that there was just one hamburger per person (already on a soggy bun) and a ton of weird casseroles.
eating hamburgers and hot dogs with flatware instead of on buns.
That sounds so German. I know the bun-less burgers as “frickadellen”, my own parents (both German immigrants who met each other over here) used to make them fairly frequently.
That does sound a bit one sided. If you ever (want) to learn how to cook, you'd be amazed what you can do with vegetables, other than boiling them. Those can be truly inspirational and unique. Will be tough to sell to your family though haha.
I – as many other guys in this society – learned to watch porn at a young age. So I wired sexual stimulation as well as the dopamine release after orgasm to porn. For many years of my life, I would not masturbate without it.
I denied my addiction because everyone watches porn, right? Also I thought, being addicted to porn means sitting at home all day fapping and watching more and more perverse stuff. So I can't be addicted, if I watch porn once a week, right?
Well, it took me a long time to figure all that out. The society having such a positive attitude towards porn did not help. Maybe, we all are addicted. I think it's super fucked up. If not due to the effect it has on our brains, then at least due to the humiliation of women for capital.
An addiction is when your habit starts having significant negative impacts on your life. So, for example, if you are choosing to stay home and watch porn instead of going to work, buying groceries, go out with friends, or sleep with actual women, then yes, you have a porn addiction.
If you jerk off on a Tuesday night before you go to bed... that's fine. Watch porn, or don't, it doesn't matter. If you enjoy your life more when you don't watch porn for whatever reason, that's fine too. You do you. But regularly watching porn isn't an addiction any more than regularly grabbing a beer with friends on a Friday night makes you an alcoholic.
Also, yes, there is a problem of the exploitation of women in some porn. *Some* porn studios do take advantage of women. But women aren't "humiliated" simply by being in porn. There is nothing wrong with a woman willingly engaging in any kind of sexual act in front of a camera, whether it's plain ol missionary or an interracial CNC gangbang. Many women *enjoy* making porn and sharing it - just peruse FetLife and you can see tons of porn made completely for free, just for fun.
Like, really. Unless it's a problem, it's not a problem.
I think the worst part is when people don't realize they're addicted and have a lower-than-average life. Streamers normalizing things like peeing in bottles or living in a mess. Or just being addicted to doom scrolling and not going outside to interact with the real world.
And if the person doesn't have the tools to reflect on their situation, they're kind of screwed. They don't know what to change.
Thats why this perspective is a problem. You won't know you are at risk of addiction until you are already addicted. Apparently its very easy to kick addictions though so I guess no worries. Theres definitely some logic to the idea things aren't a an addiction until they negatively affect your life, but I think there needs to be more nuance there for it to be practically useful advice.
FetLife is a good counterexample I did not know yet. And I completely agree: there is nothing wrong with women willingly doing porn.
But looking at other freely available porn, I cannot agree that only *some* porn studios treat their actors like submissive cash cows doing literally anything to feed the dopamine rush of their viewers. Sure the actors are paid for it. Prostitutes also get paid and still nobody would claim they are enjoying their job. In the end, we all need money to survive.
I said some, since I didn't feel comfortable giving even general statistics here.
Prostitution should be legal and regulated, which would significantly lessen incidents of abuse of women.
Do porn stars and prostitutes like their jobs? Some of them do. For some it is just a job. For some, they hate it, but it is their best option for making money. In all these cases, this is not different than any other job, and I don't see a problem with that. Only if there is real significant coersion does it become problematic to me.
Article points out that having a moral issue over porn is a much, much stronger prediction of perceiving problems than levels of use. The headline writer and introduction conclude that porn addiction isn't real, but I think the detail of the article suggests more that behaviour only really gets properly out of control in the presence of self-disapproval.
I think a more consistent summary for that content is "Mainly only religious people seek help from psychologists for what they perceive as porn addiction, but overwhelmingly their behaviour doesn't fit the professional thresholds for addiction".
there are some medical forums, that had PORN-INDUCED ED, and it includes watching it excessively, either on a weekly bases or everday to the point they cant even get hard without it. some people do admit they are watching more aggressive porn the more they watch. and people post thier experience how they are treating it, like from cold turkey or seeking therapy, but i noticed most wont seek therapy and would rather go cold turkey.
oh its to do with dopamine, well that explains why i never got addicted to porn lmao...
For anybody wondering, my brain neurology is fucked inexplicably for some reason, i can't process emotion correctly, and i generally don't experience them either.
At Easter, my family had a tradition where Easter Bunny left notes telling us where the next set of eggs were and we'd follow a trail of clues around the house. I thought everyone did it that way
Maybe your family started early with explaining data structures, and this was their introduction to linked lists. Did you also have some family holiday featuring a red/green tree?
My understanding is they usually just hide eggs around the house or yard and search, what was unusual was Easter Bunny giving us notes telling us where to look
yes, this is how we did it, only we lived in an apartment where there were only so many possible hiding places, so it was never an enormous challenge in later years :D
You just get up after pooping, and then pull the TP through your butt cheeks. It's massively inferior, the poop gets spread around when you stand up. I used like 10x more TP as a standing wiper. I will say it's gentler on the asshole though.
You have no idea how pissed I was to find out all of you had a fucking superpower, would have been nice to learn this before I wasted 3 years at graphic design
Having a constant noise in your head/ears. It was so normal to me I didnt question it for many years. I randomly asked my friends about it one day and found out most people actually dont have an old crt tv like noise in their ears (and that its the disorder tinnitus).
In my case its not very severe thankfully, I dont notice it unless Im in a silent room or Im actively thinking about it.
Being able to picture something in my mind, and having that picture be as realistic as real life! I actually found out this wasn't normal here on Lemmy, so not all that long ago! 😅
EDIT: I should probably premise this that EOL in this funny context is End-Of-Line, which is an old programming term.
I'm not referring to End of Life.
Synesthesia. I was about 20 before I learned it has a name and not everyone has strong colour associations for numbers and letters, or sees a visible map of time in their head, or has music take shape. It never occurred to me to question it because it's always been my norm.
Like how a day or a year is like a rollercoaster, coming down in the first half to rise back up in the second? It’s like a really odd sine wave for me.
I don't think the argument about color perception is about the actual color sensing organs (eyes). we can track where that differs i.e. colorblindness
I think it has to do with the way the brain perceives the input from the eyes. so I may see the world inverted from how you see it and I think that would remain true if we somehow swapped eyes successfully.
Israel has significant influence over US empire. Neocon movement is fully overlapped by zionist supremacism and their middle east war plans/actions. US empire does have some independence from Israel over warmongering lies meant to target Russia and China.
But democracy under US empire serves only US empire, which was the big surprise factor.
Limited joint range. I just thought that's as far as they went. It still freaks me out slightly when I see people using a normal range, as if they'd just turned their heads through 360° or bent their knees the wrong way.
I thought you meant goofy style and had to look it up. Haven't seen opinions go entirely one way like that on internet forums before. Good luck mutant!
That not everyone cracked their head open as a kid. I just assumed everyone has had stitches in their forehead until I was in my twenties, everyone I knew had some sort of scar like that.
I sniff things. I have a habit where if I am given something I sniff it first looking for a scent first. I do it more often with food than anything else, because I have childhood roach trauma and if anybody has had to deal with the german ones they have a specific smell. Clothing, body care products, boxes, tools, leaves, etc. I sniff it first before I do anything with it. I didn't realize it was weird until my roommate asked me why I kept sniffing things he gave me to hold.
I also shake my towel before using it (IYKYK). I'm trying to break myself on this one.
In highschool nobody told me it's not normal to put on Off like body spray before bed.
Anything I am given from my mom or someone I'm not familiar with I leave it out in the sun 100's ft away from the house for multiple days before I bring it it. I have to inspect every bit of it, shake it, turn it over, etc. Apparently that is not normal, according to some of my coworkers.
I have holes in my fingertips that turn into ulcers and then get better, but it cycles. I've been to the doctor multiple times, they are stumped.
I tend to pick at food when I am at someone's house, especially if I'm new or they recently had a pest problem they've let me know about. I'm shut down, I can only drink water or I have to wait it out and then get food outside the home. I feel like a bad house guest but I'm so scared of eating bugs or mouse droppings.
A lot of my abnormalities seem to stem from some sort of trauma response - I know these aren't normal* now *but trying to break away from some of them is incredibly hard. I have just gotten to the point where I don't ask anyone if I can shower before I actually shower in my home(it slips sometimes, I can't help it). As an adult I realize I look like a paranoid ninny and I think my long time best friend just didn't want to cause a breakdown or something when we were still in high school. I know she probably saw and knew, but I'm lucky I have her and her family worked with kids similar to my situation for a long time so they were the least judgmental people I knew during the dark ages. Also life is tons better, I just need to work on my weird habits like sniffing things. That's gonna get me one of these days.
I also shake my towel before using it (IYKYK). I’m trying to break myself on this one.
i started doing this one after an insect crawled into my towel during a shower and spooked me, unlikely, probably wont happen many times going forward, but it's ingrained now.
I have holes in my fingertips that turn into ulcers and then get better, but it cycles. I’ve been to the doctor multiple times, they are stumped.
this ones weird, but you don't have any sort of weird behaviors that would maybe cause this? Skin usually doesn't just break down like that, and when it does, it's usually not just related to a specific point on the body, you would experience in a few places. But weirder shit HAS happened before, so who knows.
The “holes in fingertips” you snuck into the middle of all of the other quirks easily explained by insect-related trauma really baffles me. Is this like a persistent, intermittent, idiopathic wound? Or a physical abnormality?
It is kind of random, I only remembered because I have a current ulcer right now that's healing and it hurts to type sometimes! So it was like a "And by the way..." type of moment. I don't know what causes it, it's not insect related or me picking at them. It's a recent development and when I try to ask my doctor I get a shrug and "your blood labs are amazing!". I have a few other unexplained conditions I honestly think are related(raynaud's, dysphagia, autonomic disorders), and when I try looking up other experiences people might have with holes in their fingers I basically get regular finger infections and scleroderma support groups. I have yet to see someone else with literal random holes in their fingertips that cyclically turn into ulcers/heal again lol.
Also, my condolences for all the crap you have had to deal with. That is: the original infestations, the continuing trauma, and the potentially-mean responses of people who don't understand. I am but an internet stranger, but I feel you, and wish you luck on overcoming your struggles.
You know, I have and they did dX me with eczema. I already knew I had that though; I started getting stress related pomphlox in graduate school. It's weird what stress can do to you. I will probably go again for another check up to see if they have any further input; I've had a busy schedule and have been putting it off for some time. Everyone has been so sweet here though, it genuinely has made me feel better!
fun fact about dermatology, vitiligo (the one skin disorder where patches lose pigmentation completely) is also stress response induced, because it's an auto immune related disorder.
I'm currently reading "The body keeps the score" which is about ptsd effects and dealing with it. It makes might give you some things to think on and ways to care for yourself.
I'm late to reply but putting deodorant on before bed is actually recommended - it takes around 6-8 hours for it to fully sink in and work! I do the same thing. What I was specifically mentioning in my op was bug spray. I used bug repellent(Off is a brand) before bed in high school because of flea infestations my mom refused to fix. I don't do this (and don't have to unless I'm camping) anymore thankfully.
Thanks cor the clarification. Didn't realize you meant bug spray. Never had to use that fortunately but it doesn't sound like fun at all, living with an infestation.
Also, TIL about the 6-8 hours. That's a long time actually.
Aw thank you! Life is waaay better now, granted I'm an adult and I have much more control over how my environment goes. But I no longer live in fear! So I'd say I've come great lengths.
I literally don’t understand how people sit and wipe (no bidet). Do you fucking lay on your side to make this happen? If you’re an adult, the toilet opening isn’t that huge to just shove your arm down there, and wipe and if you’re a man then scooting up to get back there makes your penis touch the nasty ass toilet.
So what’s the solution? A slight hover while bent over? Other than that there’s only standing. I don’t understand how people do this. 😂
Ok obviously you know this happens and you know it's stupid and impractical to lay on your side
All the bits that need cleaning are right their up front with just a flat hand extended to get the arch of the backdoor. If you can jerk your rod sitting down then it's only 3 more inches till you're wiping your shitter
So don't pretend it's some kind of acrobatic feat
But my question is, mr. standing wiper, how the fuck do you get to your taint, or do you have to do 2 trips?
You lean a little. I don't know how to word with without being crass, but I feel like if you're standing the cheeks are together and you can't get in there. 😅
Can’t believe I am writing this crap to strangers online. Ha!
Well, if you’re standing you use a hand to spread a cheek and you wipe with the other. There’s no need to grab the cheek so deep you’re touching anything that would be there, just enough to separate. You can get in there no problem.
Rinsing off with the shower head after a bath. You don't take your clothes out of the washer—nor your dishes out of the dishwasher—without doing a rinse cycle first, so why should it be any different for your body?
Dabbing in-and-out instead of wiping front-to-back/back-to-front. You're literally spreading shit all over your crack if you wipe instead of dab. All you gotta do is spread your cheeks before you sit down, and cleanup will be minimal cause everything will stay near your asshole instead of smearing all over your cheeks.
I usually don't. I don't take a bath if I'm completely covered in dirt. The actual concentration of dirt or skin in the bathwater has to be incredibly low. I take a bath to relax, not to get clean.
That first party warranty repair services sometimes don't allow having a second party do the repair.
I have always just been able to bring the item into the nearest repair facility, and just have them do the repair under warranty, it wasn't until today that I learned there is some brands that straight out won't let you do anything but the ship in and fix style warranties. I would figure it would be cheaper to allow second party repair reimbursement but nope.
鴉PieFed
VirusMaster3073
That not everyone secretly wanted to be a woman.
Well, not the *women,* obviously, because they're already women.
Lucky bastards.
I'm still not entirely convinced tbh. I mean women are cute and just great and men are...
Men can be great too, and being a man has lots of perks (beyond even those imposed by patriarchy). Look for allies and you will find them in all gender flavours.
oh for sure. Wasn't being serious, dysphoria is there and makes me basically think of existing as a man as hell and finding out that's not everyone was interesting to say the least.
I remember one day realizing it was odd that my dad would hug my mom but my mom would never hug him back. She would just stand there and let him hug her. Yeah he was an abusive husband and I was very happy for her when she finally left him after over a decade!
Knee pain. Everyone told me it was normal growing pains, until one little league coach notice I run weird. Queue years of doctors and specialists and tests and scans and surgeries, and now I'm a 40 something guy with advanced arthritis that could have been much much worse if left untreated.
way to go attentive little league coach!
also wtf parents?
"Well it's not hurting me so it can't be that bad."
My parents took me to see doctors, who told them it was just growing pains and suggested I exercise more to lose weight. I saw three specialists and had a bunch of xrays before anyone noticed the shady spots on my cartilage. Osteochondritis Dissecans occurs in 15-30 people out of 100,000, and most of the primary care doctors I've had in my life had never heard of it.\
I can't blame my parents for that. I can blame them for a lot of things, but they did their best.
Getting locked in the basement without water, or thrown out into the streets for half a day, when you misbehaved as a child.\
I mean, yeah? Is that really so bad. I guess it depends what the intent was. The town I grew up in was pretty tame, and the room I'd get locked in without food or water if I'd misbehaved had books
Today you are learning it's not normal to lock children away with no food or water.
yes, that is a form of child abuse
I was locked outside of the house for long periods of time and had to drink from the garden hose / garden faucet, and pee in the bushes. We also had like 10+ apple trees. It wasn't that bad. A bit boring sometimes.
But that's because it was outside and I could get my needs covered and meet friends.
Locked inside without these needs covered for extended periods is a lot worse in my opinion. Even cats and dogs have those needs covered.
It's also about the lack of freedom when locked inside.
I would not treat my own children like I was treated, and especially not like you were.
Yeah, I just remember it being boring too. I'm also not really a person who can't go a few hours without water, so I never felt I was being neglected.
I dont think I'd lock my kid indoors, but I do admit that when it happened to me after I'd been fighting my siblings or something, it was just treated as a time where I would chill out and read a book to wind down. Once dinner was ready, I'd get called for dinner, and everything seemed normal.
So I'd probably try to create a cool down zone with my kids if I ever have them, maybe a comfy chair they're not allowed to leave for a few hours?
Children (humans) should always have access to clean water. That is not normal in the slightest. A time out shouldn't include torture.
I agree that "people should have access to clean water". Let's not confuse sending a child to their room to wind down when they're throwing a fit with torture.
No one takes harm from lack of water in a mild climate over the course of a couple hours. The reason it's bad to lock a kid in the basement (or any other room) is that you're taking away their freedom (which may be, to some point, justified and correct) and potentially making it harder for them to trust you. However, kids also need to learn that there are limits to how you can behave, and consequences for breaking those limits. Where the limit between "reasonable consequences for teaching children" and "trust-breaking punishment" lies is a fair discussion to have. No need to pull "locking a kid in their room is torture" into it.
I don't think it counts as locking them away without food or water if they don't become thirsty or hungry while grounded. Grounding my son for an hour, technically he has no water or food, but if he asked for it I'd give it to him.
No, that's mostly fair, and it wasn't my point to state that sending a kid to their room equals torture. But I hope you can understand that witholding water is not a good thing, ever. Kids might not express (or fleven feel) the thirst. And that can definitely be a bad thing. Take into account possible emotions that involve crying or just warm weather etc. and they could easily get dehydrated. Losing just a few % of bodyweight water can be negatively impacting already.
I think how rough the punishment is really depends on how long you strand the child for
half a day seems like peanuts though -- though I guess it really does depend how the kid feels about it
Dude no! Like a 15 minute time out is ok. But if they ask for water they should be given it. Locked away alone in a room without supervision for hours? No. That is not normal. At all.
Locked in a room or locked out of the house? That is not okay, regardless of how long it is.
I think they meant standing in the corner or sitting in a chair for the duration of the timeout
Please dont ever have children. This is sick.
The only acceptable intent would be something like saving your child from a murderer assaulting your family and there not being enough time for supplies.
Average lemmy.ml user be like:
If I may ask, where are you from?
Germany
Being unable to think of something without a prompt.
I guess most people can just remember things without sticky notes and calendars.
What are you, an LLM?
I might be. Give me a topic and I'll spew out all sorts of obscure trivia, but until you mention it, I don't know that any of it exists.
Linux
In high school, my friend ran Linux. I was over at his house and he had to go take a shit or something, and I was trying to see what games he had on his computer. When he got back he asked what the hell I did because he now has to reboot, and we're going to have to watch it do that for the next half hour. And penguins and hats.
That's pretty much everything I ever needed to know about Linux.
Is that a challenge? Tell me what you know about Living Card Games without looking it up!
So, "Living" card games doesn't mean anything to me, but you did trigger card games in general, which could take me a while. I've probably spent a majority of my waking life playing Magic, Poker, Hearthstone, Silver, Smash up, and various other card games. Most recently, I'm obsessed with Balatro.
That being said...
Are you about to open a Pandoras box by making me look up Living Card Games?
Mate, if you're into CCGs, you really missed out by not getting into LCGs! Android:Netrunner, a remake of the original Netrunner from the 90s is the absolute GOAT CG out there with a close second being the Doomtown:Reloaded (which I helped design). Basically it was CGs without the luck/gambling. Just get all the cards and make exactly all the decks you want.
Unfortunately Netrunner and Doomtown run out of steam half a decade ago, but they're still developed by their fans, but usually the only way to play them consistently is online in places such as Jinteki.net. There's a few others still in production, but iirc they're co-operative ones, like Arkham Horror
Lol I played Wizard 101 with my kids. I had the most amazing solo life/balance deck.
I really like netrunner but I can't find anyone to play with (I prefer in person opponents). It is also the first thing that comes to mind when I think of living card games.
I call myself mlm: mediocre language model
Hopefully not engaging in Multi Level Marketing
I teach you some words, and then you teach some words to your friends, and they teach some words to their friends...
AI trained on AI trained on AI trained on AI... Etc etc., quality degrading all the way down.
Genuinely. This is sadly how my memory works. It's gotten better since I had a partner who I would talk to everyday with the inane question, "so how was your day?"
Then suddenly I had to learn how to summarize recent aspects of my life. And then you're like, "*shit, that happened to me today? shouldn't I be angry about that?*"
i have approximate knowledge of many things; accessing it without the right trigger may take a while though.
i know i know something but i have accepted that my brain will often only grant me access days later in a completely unrelated situation 🤷🏼♂️
You ADHD? I was almost 40 before I learned about inattentive type ADHD. As far as I knew, ADHD was spastic kids that couldn't sit still. Since I was more of the daydream and fall asleep type, I never would have thought I was part of that crowd.
Pretty sure, yes.
I'm over 40 and i've had this and many other symptoms my entire life.
No official diagnose though; but this 160 questions-test for example says i'm pretty high up there: https://www.adxs.org/en
I'm also the daydream and fall asleep type ☺️
Undiagnosed adults club!
This is me to a large degree. Give me a cue and a whole encyclopedia is at your fingertips. Just say think of something and I'm at a loss.
You can actually train for this!
You can train yourself to become more attuned to your interoception. This will make it easier to identify internal prompts like anxiety or hunger. In fact, a friend of mine was studying to become a psychotherapist and last year had me serve as a guinea pig for interoception interventions. In summary, if you find mindfulness practices that involve your body and your own thoughts, you'll be more attuned to your interoception. Things like active meditations can help a lot. You can check out evidence-based and peer-reviewed programs like Healthy Minds.
You can train yourself not just to notice your interoception, but also to use interoception to build habits. I suspect this is what the people who do not use external prompts (like stickies) do: they have habits that kick in with not-so-evident prompts. They could be using something called an 'action prompt' or an 'internal prompt'. I'm using the language of Tiny Habits because it's helpful in this context.
Tiny Habits can teach you how to create habits of all kinds, whether you use external, action, or internal prompts. Tiny Habits prefers prompts that are actions (e.g. "After I put the toothbrush down then I will pick up the dental floss"). But internal prompts are perfectly viable (e.g. "When I feel the heat on my skin and the tension in my jaw, I will describe my inner emotions to myself as if I was listening to a good friend").
You can understand cues and habits more in depth with contextual behavior analysis. CBA or a qualified professional can help us notice when we struggle to pay attention because of conditions like ADHD or anxiety. Something else that CBA can reveal is that, sometimes, we struggle to pay attention because we haven't developed the mental information highways that can make our thoughts flow freely. Things like relational frame training can help us build those highways faster. Another option is to learn to think visibly (Harvard's Project Zero) about our everyday life, so that we build dense information highways that we can later use in daily life.
Of course, the fact is that plenty of humans use external prompts deliberately to help them coordinate and remember things. There's a reason Scrum boards and Kanban are so popular. There's a reason calendar apps and Getting Things Done are so popular. There's a reason many societies have daily, weekly, or yearly rituals. You're among friends :)
We are normal, it's the others who are weird
Singing to me the song of my people. Where you all at?!
Omg, this is me. I thought I was alone. I love all you people in this thread, FAM!
Same
I don't know if this counts, but when I was little I'd go to friends houses, then later in high school to my first serious girlfriends house, and I remember their families were like... loving? I loved spending time at my girlfriends house especially, hanging out with her Mom and her Dad even if my gf wasn't there. They were so nice, and you could tell had genuine affection for their children (and to some degree, me). I miss you Mr. and Mrs. Miller!
That's me. I had no idea other families were affectionate and said crazy stuff like, "I love you." My god, they even hug.
To this day I struggle with affection, even though I love it. If you touch me unexpectedly I'll involuntarily flinch. I don't mind, at all, but I still jerk and can't help it.
I think my family was the same but I turned out cuddly, maybe the difference was the cats?
Heh that was my experience too. But I grew up with a single parent who spent all his time working, so most people's childhoods weren't spent climbing 5 floors of scaffolding for fun
Met my partner and was astounded by her loving family
Excruciating period pain that would leave me fainting and vomiting every. Single. Time.
"Every girl goes through this" said the doctor, convincing my parents that I was just "dramatic".
Turns out I had huge polyps growing out of control! Left scarring in my uterus and high-risk when pregnant.
Dealt with that hell *every fucking month since I was 11* until I got onto birth control in my 20s.
Poor you! It must have been terribly frustrating that the doctor wouldn't take you seriously. Seems to be a frequent thing women go through in the medical world. Hope you're okay now.
Thank you.
Birth control was my savior and actively allowed me enjoy life again. 💕
Amazing! I wish it worked for my GF but that gave her (we found out very late), terrible side effects.
My wife went through something similar. Took until she was in her 30s and we were pursuing IVF for someone to take her seriously and actually do the investigation to realize she had crazy scarring from endometriosis causing all kinds of issues.
It's insane to me how much the modern medical community seems to normalize or straight up ignore this shit, like you said.
I realize we could have pushed harder, but when multiple doctors tell you "yeah, some women just experience periods differently, here's 500mg Naproxen to help you through" you tend to believe it.
I'm so sorry. I hope that the two of you are doing well.
It's an actual tragedy how women's health is dealt with. They get brushed off because "women have been giving birth for hundreds of thousands of years!", ignoring that it's the number one thing that kills women!! So our reproductive health and concerns are ignored while the ability to reproduce is put onto a pedestal.
I fucking *hate* it.
My pop history theory is that it's a latent cultural memory of the Biblical tradition. Remember how Eve was cursed with the pain of childbirth after giving Adam the fruit? Western culture has a history of seeing women's pain as a result of this ancient curse. Now, I imagine few doctors today are explicitly thinking about the Garden of Eden when diagnosing patients, but the cultural memory remains, if greatly diluted and distorted.
alot of doctors are jaded asf, even to the point of laughing you out of thier office. i think women are often ignored for symptoms of pain.
Sucks when doctors just assume things, it can cost lives.
It's barbaric. They assume that if you're girl/woman, most problems are basically "female hysteria"!
Not even "it could be [blank], you might want to keep an eye on that and report back if it doesn't go away." Nope! Diagnosis: *dramatic*.
And women *die* from this shit. Or become disabled / handicapped. Or it affects their long-term future if they want children. It's *awful.*
Some people did a thing with a specially configured tens machine where the woman would turn it the levels up and up until it was at the level of their normal period pain and then the man would go through the same levels stages and be gasping and writhing before it got there.
Turns out men have been massively underestimating period pain for centuries.
That said, some women experienced far, far higher levels than normal and were encouraged to take that data to a non-dismissive healthcare professional.
As a dude, I *want* to believe that it's less than it is because that's just wholly unreasonable that women have to put up with that.
They're were a lot of men who insisted on immediate medical attention who got told that their partners had tried that and absolutely nothing would come of it.
Hey, I know this is random, but was the pain, like, in the lower abdomen and like... Not really a muscle cramp, but deeper?And did physical activty make it better or worse? Asking for a friend. 👀
Pain was deep, ye. Can't answer the question about physical activity because it rendered me unable to do any! But, yes, exerting any kind of physical effort seemed to make it worse.
I would lie on the cold bathroom floor every month with a heating pad / hot water bottle on my stomach, but it gave little relief through the simultaneous hot flashes and cold sweats.
Two things that actually helped somewhat if I could catch it hours before it started were: eating bananas (I suspect potassium helped with cramping), and, weirdly.. drinking pickle juice. Idk what that was about, but it worked.
But have "your friend" get checked for endometriosis and PCOS!!! That shit can actually escape your uterus and scar up / destroy your other organs!!! No joke!!!!
She might just do that because your experience sounds very similar to her "stories." She also can't move when it happens and is left pretty hobbled until it passes, but moving makes it worse... So I've heard. 👀
Social democracy
In general the political system you grow up in seems to becomes a normalcy in your mind when in reality there's so many different ways of governing
Most fish probably never even realize that water exists till they are yanked out of it by the fisher's net
Good analogy haha
Not everyone has tics they must surpress while in public.
It hurt to learn this
Why is there no helpful suggestion under this comment? I have multiple tics too and I want someone to tell me "just sprinkle some cinnamon on your ass and they will go away!"
Have you tried sprinkling cinnamon on your ass?
Apparently, it isn't normal to just space out during a test. Yeah, I went through K-12, undergrad, and grad school with an undiagnosed learning disability. This was only one of the symptoms...
This was a really recent realization for me. I am one of the people who can voluntarily activate the tensor tympani muscles in my ears to create a low level rumbling sound. I recently tried explaining this to someone else and they still think I am making it up.
Can do that low rushing type of sound as well.
Let's get ready to rumble!
This superpower is so usless. I love it.
Oh...? That has a name? Thanks!
You are not alone! I have always been able to do that too. It still doesn't help with the tinnitus I've had since I was 4 or 5 though.
What was a revelation to me was the idea that everyone was only sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night. I thought I was perfectly normal in not sleeping for normal time spans. And despite the drugs and cpap machine I'm prescribed, I still can only sleep 5 or 6 hours now and often less. But I often am able to get to REM sleep now.
Is this not normal?! I can also wiggle my ears, I know that's weird though.
Yeah, my Dad used to do this to entertain kids, so I worked at it until I could too. It wasn’t easy to learn but real easy to do
Wait, that’s not normal?
Seems so.
It's more that most people don't figure out how to tense those muscles independantly of the rest of the neck
I use to control it before, but since I'm on some other medecine, it start to have its own will. It happen to me unvoluntary like every 5 or 10s. That's SO FUCKING ANNOYING !!!
So THAT'S how you describe it!
Fellow rumbler rejoice!
As I kid I thought it activated some kind of telekinetic or telepathic power so i'd keep doing it and gesturing at ping pong balls or candle flames
So sad to learn that it has nothing to do with psychic powers
When I first read this one, I thought it sounded crazy. Then I realized I know what you mean and am able to do it.
Maybe it's normal and it's just the description that doesnt click with people? Anyone in the comments who thinks they can't do it?
Wait, not everyone can do that?! What the fuck?!
I can do this as well, as can one of my siblings and my father so I assume there is a generic component. Used to call it "ear clicking" since it is audible to others if they put their ear to yours in a quiet environment.
I figured out that was the name when googling about it some years ago.
Is it just a click or also the described rumbling. Because I don't hear a rumbling but I do make the clicks when I notice that my ears need to adjust to the air pressure.
If you hold it tense you get a rumble as described but the first time I tense it will make a little click. If I keep applying tension and release eventually it will stop clicking and just I'll just hear the rumble and it will take a bit to "reset" to where it clicks again.
Humans are weird.
Edit: I quick kagi search turns up a Reddit thread saying the clicking is caused by "Voluntary Opening of the Eustachian Tubes" which is equalizing the pressure in my ears. That sorta explains why it stops clicking after a bit.
If I use the muscles that I use to get the click very carefully I get the rumble too :)
I never noticed it before and now this will be really distracting unless I forget about ASAP.
i was able to do that just this morning!! (cant do it anymore)
You aren't alone. I can do it too.
Did you listen to a podcast when you found out? 😏
Of two German dudes? 😅
it was also on No Such Thing As A Fish recently
I don't remember where I was made aware of it, but it was probably this. I used to listen to NSTAAF regularly. This fact probably just got buried in the back of my head until it had the opportunity to come out now.
name drop but I know Andy IRL, nice guy.
That's not surprising to me at all. He seems like he would be.
Just to clarify, since I don't know if my experience is what you all are describing: this sounds kind of like what I hear if I start a yawn. Is the rumbling sound just for a second or can you make it indefinitely? And can you also make a short click or series of clicks?
I can get those sounds if I tense up some muscle(s) that you would also use to start a deliberate yawn. The clicks are easy to make, with less tension, and the rumble happens with more tension and it's only for about a second or so. Also I definitely hear the rumble *during* a yawn. Does that sound like what you mean or am I describing something completely different?
That sounds like what I can do. Both the rumble and the clicks/ear popping.
Rumble and clicks are separate, but the yawn activates all of those muscles so you get them together
It's easiest to just rumble, but I need to open my jaw a little to click
'Knew about the rumble; 'just did the clicks for the first time (thanks to the tip about opening my jaw).
Yep, the same sound as when you yawn. I can make it happen without yawning. Honestly, I can only make it for 5-10 seconds before I get "tired".
Regarding clicks ..I've no idea what that one is.
When you yawn sometimes you hear a little clicking noise in your ear canals, it's earwax coming into contact briefly and separating, you can do it voluntarily similar to rumbling but I need to open my jaw a little for that effect
Weird. I can do it for like a full minute
Growing up using a poop knife.
Ah, a person of class!
Did you actually? Or are you carrying that over from reddit? 'Cause I actually have a similar one to that 😅
Never did I think someone would call my bluff.
Do tell
its a TIFU post on reddit.
It's a reference to an old reddit post.
I misread your post. I thought you had a story similar to having a family poop knife
Dammit I thought for sure this wouldn't be in the comments
Wait til you hear about my broken arms growing up
Stop. Get some help.
Mine are all pretty mild.
Everyone reading all the time at home. Pretty much every room had bookcases, full to bursting with books. When I was old enough to have friends around they all said how weird it was to have so many books.
My parents were really emotionally distant. I don't recall either of them telling them they loved me - or each other for that matter. No hugs or kisses. More than one of my girlfriends called me an emotional cripple.
Home-cooked food every night. We never ate out, never had takeaway. My mum was a great cook though so although my friends seemed to think it was weird I'd never had a MacDonalds when I finally did try it I didn't understand the hype.
Oh, and the poop knife, of course.
Bro is living my life
Poop knife life?
No. I don't know what that joke is
Enjoy!
It never even occurred to me that people might not enjoy reading till I was like 14
I grew up thinking it was normal for grown men to be attracted to little girls. My mother had a habit of pointing out random men who just happened to be around and telling me they were staring at me/thinking about how beautiful I was/in love with my/trying to look up my skirt. The way she talked about it made it seem like it was a common, acceptable thing.
What, and I cannot emphasize this enough, the fuck
I think she had undiagnosed mental issues, tbh.
I hope things are better for you now x
Yeah, I realized as an adult that most grown men actually aren't interested in kids.
As a man, I was worried about that growing up, but the women I'm attracted to has aged with me. I'm friends with some women under 30 from the dog park, and I can appreciate they're pretty but they also look like kids. I hope they meet nice guys around their age.
So it wasn’t just my mom.
I really wonder where they got this from! Strangely enough, when I was a teen and actually starting to get inappropriate attention from men, she would never believe that it happened.
holy crap I hope you got out of that situation quick, this should NOT be normalized
My heart breaks for you in this
…WAT…
It was not your fault. <3
Thanks.
What in the fuck 🤮
Reading.
Or rather, how so many people seem fear and avoid it, or can't do it. Something like 21% of adults in the US are illiterate, and the majority -- *54%* -- read at or below a 6th grade level.
I've been a sight reader probably since I was about six years old. I absolutely cannot look at any words legibly written in my native language and not understand them. You couldn't force me to look at words written in English and not digest them if you held a gun to my head. I fear no wall of text, no matter how tall it is.
It takes some effort to wrap your head around the notion that not only can most people not do this, but statistically speaking most or at least a plurality of people have to struggle or exert conscious effort to read and many of them are loathe to do so. And roughly one in five people simply *can't.* This did not sink in for me when I was younger.
I can't imagine having to live my life that way. You nerds have *seen* how much bullshit I write in a day; I'd go absolutely bats.
what do you mean people look at words and don't process them automatically? Is there like, research on this i can read or something? I don't think i believe you.
I though people were just stupid, and chose not to.
Literacy is a skill that needs to be taught. If it isn't taught, or is taught poorly, well...
i mean obviously, but unless you aren't teaching kids how to read/write in school, the amount of complete ignorance you would need to expend in your adult life to backslide so far on something so ingrained into your brain structure is genuinely impressive.
Deleted by author
sentences in foreign languages are complete gibberish to me, unless i partly know how the grammar structure and language works, but that's also sort of automatic at that point, if i wanted to actually comprehend it, yeah i would have to put work into it, but that's literally me translating the sentence at that point lol.
Deleted by author
that sounds wacky as fuck.
Guess i'll have to do some looking to see about how we're determining illiteracy these days.
As a kid I kept asking librarians why libraries were so empty of people if they had so many books and it took me years to understand the sadness in her shrug.
That stat is wild, reading is such a foundational skill in today's world.
As someone with ADHD I see both sides here. I will devour a good book in no time. But put something i don't enjoy in front of me and I'd rather die than read it.
My goodness, I am so much like you.
I’ve been using a book tracker app since the iPhone 4s (2011) just to keep track of what I buy - I don’t track anything else - because even way back then I had trouble remembering if I had a book or if I had just browsed it elsewhere.
In 2018, various functions (search, sort, stats, etc.) took a permanent dirt nap just as I was nearing the 3K number of entries. And these are just the books I own.
The size of the DB backup file has nearly doubled since then.
Now granted, a number of books I get need to go straight into storage before I can even read them, as I have not yet built my library. It’s already gone through several redesigns to stay ahead of the size of my collection, and right now I’m looking at movable library storage stacks - the kind that roll on miniature railway tracks and have wheel-like dogs at their ends that a person turns to easily move them back and forth (opening and closing an access corridor between the stacks for access to the books). I’m hoping to eventually have almost half a linear kilometre of shelving in my library once it’s built.
I cannot imagine the horror of being even semi-illiterate, much less fully illiterate. I absolutely love reading.
That sounds completely awesome and seems like a fulfilling goal to have in life! Please make sure though to set up some type of arrangement for if something happens to you with such a large and incredible collection like that. I've been involved with estate sales and have seen personal loved ones just completely overwhelmed with the amount of things to process after a relative's death. Getting rid of things just isn't on the table sometimes, things will sit and rot because of love and loss.\
That 3k+ of books could completely transform a public library and continue to touch the minds of generations to come if you set it up properly now (and won't be a future burden on a loved one).
As someone with deep roots in the sciences, and good access to the latest data and evidence surrounding anthropogenic climate change, I seriously doubt that there will be much civilization left by the time I shuffle off this mortal coil. All indications used to point towards widespread economic, societal, and ecological collapse in the latter half of this century, well past my effective lifespan, but recent (and strong!) evidence has moved that up considerably to not much past 2035. So no, I am not worried in the least about “burdening” anyone with my collection. I seriously doubt that there will be anyone left who will care. The few who remain will be too obsessed with surviving another day to give two shits about books. I just want to live long enough to read most of them in relative comfort.
I don't even know what reading bellow 6th grade means.
picture books? not long texts that requires abstract thinking, like non-fiction, most definitely not HISTORY books, chemsitry, or math. a well written book is usually pretty dense, and a crappy one like some "cladestines operations" type novels are usually like a childs book.,
I was thinking that I can't imagine not immediately comprehending written words. Then I realized that I already do that in German. It takes a bit of effort. It's really surprising that so many people live their lives like that with their native language.
I honestly don't know how it can be possible, especially these days with everything done on phones and the internet. It does help me to understand the appeal of Tiktok, Instagram, YouTube, etc though.
Reading.
When I got to high school I started taking book out from the library there. Over three years I took out about a dozen books that had never been read; they'd just been sitting on the shelves for years.
When I was a kid I noticed most books hadn't been checked out by more than 2 or 3 people. At one branch they'd just stamp the back inner cover of the paperback, no checkout slip and I asked "What happens when you run out of space to stamp?" and she just laughed sadly
Two things.
"How Can I Help You" by Laura Sims. Serial killer disguised as a small town librarian. Anyone how likes libraries will recognize and enjoy.
https://bookshop.org/p/books/how-can-i-help-you-laura-sims/19108763?ean=9780593543719&next=t
The other thing is that when you're a reader you get a skewed view of the world. You hang out with other readers and talk about books, and grow up thinking that everyone knows who Sylvia Plath was.
Long, skinny stools. Turns out it was because of a precancerous blockage.
They're called bar stools smh
/jk
I...uh, should probably schedule a doctor's visit.
or drink water and consume fiber
*and
Hope you're doing ok now!
gun assault survival training for kids
yeah, no, this is just *locally* normal
On this same note, as an European it was insane for me to learn that school shootings like Sandy Hook, those are just the ones that go famous for some reason.
But in reality hundreds more happen throughout the year that don't go "viral" so they don't get reported at all.
Truly mind-boggling.
Not true. If a single child is shot, or even shot *at*, it's national headline news. Caveat: That doesn't apply to inner-city children shooting each other. We, uh, don't talk about that.
If you look at some stats a "school shooting" is any time a gun goes off on school property. I could go down to the elementary school and pop one off at midnight. School shooting.
"Mass shootings" go this way as well. We all have an event in mind when that term comes up. There's quite a gap when you look at lies, damned lies and statistics. :) You might note that Mother Jones and The Violence Project are anything by conservative sources.
Four victims is what it takes for a shooting to be considered a "mass shooting".
This is a ridiculous number, because it seems too low & too high at the same time.
We had to do active shooter training when I started my job at an US companyin Europe. That was weird.
That wasn't even a thing when I was in school, but I imagine columbine and after changed that.
i am also not sure how this started, but i recently saw some armored school backpacks which made me realize how strong someone's love for the uneducated is.
I went to high school shortly after Columbine. We didn't have active shooter drills.
Honestly I'd kind of liked more gun assault survival training as a kid
Not being able to see anything when closing my eyes and not constantly hearing a voice in my head. I have aphantasia and thought people were always seeking metaphorically about seeing things in their head.
I only more recently learnt that people actually hear things as well as in like an internal monologue. To me, the whole thing sounds exhausting.
No monologue for me but I do have aphantasia
I'm still pretty fucking angry everyone else gets a super power
Very exhausting, especially when your stupid brain makes you roleplay possible future conversations with people in your head all day. Difficult to focus and so exhausting
Oh, I have that as well, it's just more like ... data, I guess? I think sometimes what I wrote makes people think I have no imagination or creativity; I definitely do but it's just different.
Oh, we can do that, just without the voice.
how can you think of words if not... thinking of the words? That's really interesting
wdym, they're words?
If you're curious when i consciously think about words, my mouth will move a little as if i'm sort of trying to say words, but otherwise generally i just type words as i need them. I cannot formulate an entire sentence without writing it down first. I often go back and completely rearrange and rewrite things because of this.
If you think this is weird, imagine how we read. Should be impossible by that definition.
I am thinking of the words, I'm just not hearing them. Why would those be one and the same?
I assume it's the way I think of 3d objects which is that I have some sort feeling of its shape and the distance of a point to one of its surfaces. So just something that doesn't mimic a standard sense.
I still have the voice (and the music…) just no pictures, except when I'm really tired and it's dark. It's funny because a friend of mine has the exact opposite (pictures but no voice).
And then there’s people like me, who can make an audio-visual tour in their minds, see things in color, moving pictures, hear sound, feel touch.
Took me a long time to actually focus on mundane tasks and not doing them on autopilot.
It is indeed exhausting! Warm regards, Joe(s)
Think I have this. Only time I can really picture anything. At least above a part of a vague shape or higher resolution, is when I've recently woken up. Even then it's a hit or miss. Wonder if it's a wall to creativity.
Fwiw I suck at visual art but was a musician who at least made some money at it (all original music), and ran d&d campaigns and such.
it's weird if you're an aphant, because you adapt by just speaking outloud, and internally understanding things, the only real situation where it becomes problematic is when someone tries explaining it to you, because you're on the other side of a cliff, basically.
What happens when you think? There's not a voice? How about when you read?
reading you can sort of mentally supplant. It's really weird, but i'm very immersed into reading, like i comprehend the world building, and the writing, and the characters, and all the interactions, i can *feel* the environment. I can't see anything, or hear anything, but i *know* what it looks like (at least i think) and i *know* what it sounds like.
Think about it as if it's a dream, and it starts to make more sense, it's just like a conscious dream, spurred by really good story telling.
In both cases, the words just... go straight from words to comprehension? It's kind of hard to answer that question, because introspection of the process isn't possible. I mean, I just look at words and know what they mean. From experience, I think I read about 3 times faster than most other people, what with not having to wait to hear them spoken by an internal voice. (Subtitles in the same language as the audio are maddening, because I can't not read them, and then have to wait so long for the speech to catch up.)
The subtitles thing is odd. I also read them instantly but it's not a bother. Spend the rest of the time focusing on other things ksyaed of what they're trying to say. It's lovely
actually this, but it goes both ways, spoken voice and written text can go fuck itself, and subtitles on spoken words can go fuck itself. Actual comprehension hell.
You are assuming the internal voice is more of a presence. Its more the background exhaust of thinking. I don't have to listen to my inner voice say it, as I read silently they just fall out the back of my head as I go.
I have the same experience including the thing with subtitles. What’s the connection between the no-internal-voice and the maddening subtitles?
Just that I read them so quickly, I'm ready for the show it movie to move on to the next scene, and have to wait for the dialog to catch up.
My inner monologue, is just a stream of words, it isn't encumbered by a voice.
To me that sounds like "I just walk around without taking any steps."
If you think that is strange, I can rotate 3D objects in my head but there are no images.
i can build concepts in my head, without words or images. And just put them down, ofc i fumble a bit, because i'm not perfect, but i intuitively and innately understand concepts. Just based on my experience with that particular thing, much like an LLM can spit out actual real grammar and words that make actual real sense when you ask it to.
I understand that.
Because I don't need to tie it to a visual metaphor, a lot of complex concepts, especially math, I find quite easy.
I was 41 when I realised...
There's a whole episode on that topic here
https://pca.st/episode/ff2685cb-5ee7-4299-9fe6-fa430d9fe591
Sharing socks. My family used to have a sock basket next to our shoes. You didn't own your own socks, you just grab a pair when you need them.
I mentioned "the sock basket" offhand to a friend in elementary school and she thought it was crazy. That's when I learned that not every family has a community sock basket. Looking it up though, I find a couple reddit threads from people with the same experience (and people replying that it's weird) 🤷♀️
Not even sure how that would work with the different sizes we had in my family
Don't you have different sized feet?
This was the first thing I thought of. I wonder what percentage of households consist of members who all have the same foot size? That's got to be abnormal. What, do the 5 year olds suddenly sprout size-12 feet? They don't wear socks before then?
This story sounds utterly suspicious.
~50% of men probably wear a size 9-11 shoe
That's a "Large" sock
Man with a size 8 shoe could probably still wear a "Large" sock and be fine.
~75% of women wear a size 7-9
Women with 6 or 6.5 should still be able to wear a 7-9 sized sock.
Families have genetically similar feet
I know from my experience, my father, my brother, and I all wear the same size. We all had different preferences and our own socks, but I could have easily worn their socks.
It seems easy, until you walk a mile in their socks.
Yeah it's definitely more reasonable than maybe it seems.
As kids we had pretty similarly sized feet. And I don't think I noticed if the socks I was wearing were too big or too small anyway, even now I have some socks that are bigger or smaller than others.
And my parents had their own socks, so the sock basket was just for me and the sibs.
Well, in my mid-40s, this is a new one. As long as they're clean and fit, why not?
My daughters share school socks, because they are all the same colour and shape. So I guess this concept isn't too unreasonable to do it on a whole family level.
Your daughters are all the same colour and shape?
Yes. And their socks are too.
We used to do it as well at least for me and my brothers. We all got the same white tube socks so they went in the same basket by our laundry
We had a sock basket when I was a kid!
wait that's not normal?
This is unintentionally how we do it. We split up the socks after cleaning them but like a day later mom is wearing the oldest ones socks and the oldest one is wearing dads socks, and the little one has one sock from the older brother and another he found under the couch buried in dog hair.
Same same.
I think that depends on common shoe sizes. With the biggest feet there is no way I could put on anyone else's socks.
Nobody "dresscoded" me at home. As soon as I was old enough to pick my own clothing, I could. What skirts or jeans or dresses I wore was my choice completely. My school also didn't care much.
Blew my mind when I realized how many other girls had to sneak out with their clothes because the parents had a rule against tight jeans or whatever.
I still think my parents were right with this one. The kids with the strictest rules were always those with the craziest outfits. Can't blame them, I'd have done the same.
When I was a teen, I believed in that too. The most strict parents had the most wild kids.
As an adult, it's now verified.
My parents were the chill, openly weed-smoking guys that wouldn't rat you out to your parents if you needed help (like a place to stay while coming down or whatever)
This policy was explicitly because my dad worked yard supervision at the local elementary schools and 100% knew that those with the strictest parents were the ones who needed it the most as they had nowhere safe to go. The abused kids were second, many of them were neglect babies in our area so they got fucked up and went home to parents who didn't care
I went to a charter school for my freshman year that was mostly full of people who were kicked out of the school they kick you out of if you're a problem child. Almost all of them were children of parents who worked long-ass days and came home to be strict as fuck
Why were you at the charter school with all the naughty kids if your parents were super chill allies?
New school, so it was their (bad kids) only option, parents were trying something out because they got sold on it
Ended up being a bad idea overall for many reasons, that was a big one
The class president of my senior class would bring his "punk" clothing in a backpack and change in the school bathroom every morning. Blew my mind. My parents couldn't give a shit what I wore.
I, as a boy, ran through my cousin's to change my clothes on my way to the bus.
Don't do this to your kids if you think that was wrong, lol. I know people who grew up like this, complained to me and then started to behave the exact same way with their kids later on.
Yeah I don't. My kids love these stories of me dodging my dad's insecurities, they wear whatever they want. And they mostly wear t-shirts and jeans.
My mom used to pick out clothes for me as a little kid before school, and I'd come downstairs in completely different outfits.
Well, the feeling of one side of your hip being out of place. Then twisting slightly to snap it back.
It's hip displasia.
Is this a thing for knees? Every once in a while, my knees just pop out of their sockets. It's incredibly painful, and I have to move them back by hand. I went to a doctor when I was like 18 though, and they took an x-ray, and couldn't find anything
I suppose so, but I'm not a doctor
https://radiopaedia.org/articles/trochlear-dysplasia
For the hip there's also not a (as an adult) treatment, rather taking care to keep it in place and strengthen your muscles.
Displasia literally means “out of place”? Nifty.
Child abuse. I thought it was normal to threaten children with violence for noncompliance. I thought it was normal to be afraid to misbehave or be suboptimal in school at the threat of violence.
I don't think my father would consider spankings, with wooden paddle or leather belt, child abuse. It was a threat that I fell afoul of a few times at school or home.
Depending on your age, that level of "child abuse" might be normal. (Not that it should be.)
I didn’t wanna be too graphic, but a spanking is nothing lol. My father attempted to beat me to death me a couple of times for defying his absolute authority (imagine thinking a pre-teen is in any way a threat to “authority”).
Ah, yeah, my father only threatened to fight me once, and he never did. (I think he felt I was directly questioning his authority when non-family members were present, but the memory is hazy at best now.)
It does sound like your experience is abnormal. (But, I'm not really informed; just working from my experience, and hearsay.)
Ah yes, therapy has been fun the last few months since we've processed all the recent stuff and moved on to my childhood... Hugs to you friend.
Taking multiple shits every day, after a friend pointed it out that wasn't normal I did a lactose test and found out I've been lactose intolerant all my life.
Kind of similar with me. It turned out IBS-like symptoms were one aspect of an Ankylosing Spondylitus diagnosis I got (posted about the disease in more detail yesterday). I had assumed I had a "fast metabolism" or something because I needed the bathroom almost immediately after eating a meal.
that usually sounds like diarrhea, or very loose stool which is not normal. if your poop is not a nice solid sausage or a color. dint you notice any pain in your sacral region, i heard thats the most common before other joint pain comes in, plus the fusion.
Thats so hot
Just for anyone else, it can be normal to have multiple shits per day. I'm glad you figured out you were lactose intolerant though.
Funny enough, when I had my same realization, stopping dairy plugged me up so now I eat cheese medicinally.
👀
Guess I’m pretty lucky my parents taught me better than that 💩
Growing up in a house with hoarder parents: - Having absurd amounts of pretty much anything standing around in the house. - Parents going through your trash and blaming you for throwing away certain things that were 'still good to use' (they weren't).
We had 3 breadmakers. 2 were in new in box for multiple years
Why hadn't they chosen like cabbage patch kids or game consoles
NOOOO they had to hoard kitchen counter appliances.
My dad is 80+, has a pristine vitamax blender in box but still uses a crappy one he got at a thrift store because he wants to get as much out of his investment as possible
i have them, they will literally fight you physically, kick and scream if you try to throw anything out. its a problem if they start to get mouse/rat infestation, even then they dont think about it. or getting canes, or old pet food, picking up someones used sports bottle off the street
Were you all able to find stuff? I knew hoarders who had about a dozen pairs of scissors because they had to buy new ones so often, forgetting where the old ones were.
a hoarder have more than just a large number of one things. they include things like trash they dont throw away, empty boxes, and bags ,,,etc which pile up somewhere. random stuff they think is useful from a street corner.
When I was much younger: that normal people could see much further than me.
One of my oldest memories is going into a McDonald's for the first time with glasses; I stopped and read the entire menu, because I couldn't believe normal people could read it as soon as you walked in. I always had to get up to the counter to make it out.
I got a lot better in school after that!
A woman I used to know said when she got glasses for the first time, she was amazed at being able to discern leaves on trees from further than a couple meters.
O my god. This is so relatable. I was 14 or so when a girl in my class told me I need contact lenses because I couldn't read the school board unless I sat in the front (spoiler, I sat in the back).
And I was like nahh. Then I got a checkup and I was already at like -2. Then I wore lenses for years and I absolutely hated them. They stick to my eyes. Then only at like 18 I got glasses (not cool to teenage me) and I never switched back.
Maybe they should give children check ups, at least once in their life lol.
Having near constant racing thoughts and always feeling like you have to work on something and if you don't it makes you anxious. I thought my boyfriend was the alien for being able to not think about anything at all and just chill and do nothing.
it's weird for me, i have ADHD traits, and also explicitly non ADHD traits, i think it's probably comorbidity with something else rather than explicitly ADHD. But that's neurology for you, sometimes it's clear, sometimes it's not, sometimes it makes no fucking sense.
I can stare at a wall just fine, but depending on what i'm doing, i need a certain minimum amount of stimulation, and just *doing* things feels so good.
Ah good ole ADHD. I have a love hate relationship with mine. We're on speaking terms.
I like to describe it as being simultaneously bored and overstimulated (
tbf that's also how I describe ADHD sex)Irony is, that I'm not diagnosed so officially I'm just someone with racing thoughts and a restless soul.
Not diagnosed here too. 99pct sure I'm in the club. For 47 years I've been written off as "absent-minded" (yet everyone seeks my advice for major life shit) or "ornery" (more when I was a kid). It's just incredibly frustrating, it feels like every doc I've ever brought it up to basically just dismisses me, taking about how rare adult ADHD actually is.
...this post was just basically supposed to say "yeah I feel that"... So yeah
I feel this in my bones. My family has always labeled me as "aloof, absent-minded, head in the clouds"... and somehow always seem to forget that I'm the one that shows up or gets called when shit goes sideways
I've tried to accept that it's just an "endearing" label from them, and they don't actually believe I'm unreliable... because they still (individually) fall back on me whenever they need someone to come through. I'm an "aloof crisis hotline" I guess
being aloof or absent minded isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just a different type of engagement with the world, would it be nice if we didn't forget shit the second object permanence stops applying? Yeah, can we work around it, also yeah.
I sometimes randomly end up thinking about nothing but usually I'm in the racing thoughts area. So you're saying that is something not everybody needs to deal with? Is that how they fall asleep?
Looking at light or sky when I need to sneeze helps me sneeze quicker.
It's apparently something to do with Photic sneeze reflex. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photic_sneeze_reflex
I pretty much always sneeze when first stepping into sunlight
My wife doesn’t but I thought it was pretty funny when I realised my kid does too
Yep, same same, nothing more annoying than sneezus interruptus.
It's not super uncommon
My hypothesis: evolution keeping our ancestors from staring at the sun till blindness
theres one called solar reflext sneezing, i sneeze when theres a bright or intense sun. its much more likely if you allergies too.
Who would ever want to sneeze faster? 😄
My wife does this too, both of us have the reflex, I just happen to not enjoy sneezing?
Sounds like made up star trek science 😁
Being able to see during ocular saccades. I was surprised to hear in so many videos “your brain blinds you because it would be nauseating”
No it’s not ? It’s just blurry.
Also, apparently some people can’t consciously control the focus distance of their eyes.
You might think that but the brain is great at 'in-betweening', do the stopwatch Libet test and see what you get
This was a surprise for me as well as a child. I thought my eyes would change in how they look when I made them blurry, but yeah, you can't see that.
Yeah all I can do is make my vision blurry, but I can't consciously adjust the distance at which I place my focus, it's just where I look. I was surprised by the fact that my eyes looked the same too.
That's interesting, for most people the brain just substitutes in the image of where your eye moves to, so it feels instantaneous. (there's no noticeable blindness) But you can see throughout the full movement?
In a similar vein, I never understood having a "dominant eye". I honestly don't really understand the concept, I guess most people's brains will cancel out information from one eye?
Which eye did your circle arrive at?
Edit: formatting, I'm a Markdown dumbass
TIL that my nose is my dominant eye! (I think I'm not doing something correctly.)
I've heard of this test before, and it makes no sense to me. If I focus on a distant object, I see two images of my hand, one for each eye. So I'd have to choose which one to put over the object.
What? I think most people see them together. Do you have to consciously compare the two images to perceive depth?
Not at all, I perceive depth fine.
If I focus back on my hand, the two images align, and I see both images of the background. It's just that I'm always seeing information from both eyes.
If anything, from my perspective it's everyone else who I would expect to have difficulties with depth perception. You're only perceiving one eye consciously, (In the binocular overlap region), and the other eye is just used for depth information by your subconscious, is that correct?
No the brain does funky stuff mixing the pictures together. If I move something close enough to my face it appears in view twice seemingly semi-transparent. The rest of my visual perception remains unaffected though.
Are you also constantly aware of your blind spot(s)? (Something that with the single image is completely invisible)
I learned something. My nose but also the corner of my left eye seem to be dominant.
That's interesting, I can see both circles but my hand does always go to my right eye unless I force myself to look at the other. That makes sense I guess because my right eye is more focused at a distance. I wonder if that switches though when I look at something close up for a while, because my left eye is more focused then.
My eyes still focus automatically (though a bit slow sometimes). But if I want to, I can get my eyes out of focus pretty easily.
Yeah I can defocus my eyes too, I assume most people can. I've never heard of someone being able to see during saccades though.
Ah sorry I forgot there was another part of that comment when i read your reply lol
It's a sailboat!
A schooner is a sailboat, stupid head.
TIL that some people can't do that. huh
Like wiggling your ears, I believe it can be learned
I'm kind of weird I think in that I can focus further away than something I'm looking at, but I can't focus closer than something I'm looking at. At the same time though I can cross my eyes to converge closer, but can't push them apart to converge further away.
Had to look up what it was. I haven't heard of it before but yeah it's just blurry.
Some people don't own their home. They rent it. Took me a while until I realised that we were the abnormal ones for owning homes.
If you want to finally be normal, just give your home to me.
I wouldn't say "abnormal", I would say the "lucky few"
This is definitely the norm in many, many countries. This is the first generation, at least in a long while, where buying a home is looking completely impossible for many...
Honestly, until you pay off your house then you’re just fucking renting it from the bank as your landlord. We’re all renting, we just like to present it as if we’re not. Yes, equity can be built which is different but at its core it’s still the same.
The bank doesn't own the house, they just have a significant lien against it. Maybe a potato potato situation (how are you supposed to spell that phrase 🤔), but it is an important distinction.
Landlords can get pissed if you paint the walls/change appliances/remodel/etc., but so long as the property is properly insured (and you make your loan payments on time) the bank probably isn't going to bother you.
Landlords can --- and do --- place restrictions on quiet hours, guest policy, who is allowed to live there, etc. Owning is definitely different.
sounds like HOA, they enforce all kinds of BS. our state is so friendly to tenants, they even trashed the place and the homeowners cant do anything about it, or is too scared.
And then there's taxes that have to be paid, and if not you can lose the house you own.
We live in a society
No we don't. This is just another jungle now, with wild animals. You can't depend on anyone for anything anymore, society is over.
Only abnormal in this oligarchy
Back in the 80s, HS dropouts who worked part time at the local gas station could afford a 3br mortgage with a smile and a grin
Oh plenty of things:
having respect for others
being honest
helping the needy
fair pay for fair work
honestly considering others' perspectives
loyalty
Basically every virtue I was ever told was worthy to embody has been used against me as a weapon or a tool
And of the hundreds of people I know IRL less than 10% give any of these internal value or even attempted to put into practice
And here I've been a sucker all my life doing the proper social contract thing because I don't like the way the world is shaping up and getting CONSTANTLY bent over for it
How are you supposed to deal with this without just losing all your values and becoming like them?
Are there any books or anything that someone can read on this?
Terry Pratchett's Discworld series is what kind of did it for me, he was an amazing human.
Or a cruel dreamer for making me think that this was how the world was supposed to be.
Thanks! Definitely reading this one now though its kinda long. I had heard about it but didn't see anyone put it this way before.
It's not normal for a boy to think "of course I would rather be a girl who wouldn't want to be a girl?"
I think it's a normal thing to think if you are really a girl that physics glitched on.
But it IS normal for a girl to think "of course I'd rather be a boy", right?
Right??
Who's gonna tell him?
Well given how much harder it is to be a girl than a boy in our world,I bet it is more common.
I think it's hard for both in different ways but let's never discount which gender by a large margin leads the suicide count
Being a boy is lonely in ways girls will never know
Being a girl is stressful in ways boys will never know
Boys can handle the kinds of stresses that overwhelm girls, in a way that's why we are here
On the other hand, I've almost never met a girl who when exposed to just how needy we are on the inside doesn't respond with at least slight disgust. Only twice have I ever seen true compassion and even then the experience was harrowing for them.
There's a difference between "I wish I had the privileges and expectations of being a boy" and "I wish I had a penis"
There is, the musing wasn't that specific
I think that's a normal thing to think if you are a guy that physics glitched on.
I don't do this all the time, but definitely with desserts and sweets. Both from the perspective of being able to savor it longer, and also for portion control.
I would think doing otherwise is weird. I mean a table spoon barely fit into a single portion of yoghourt or icecream. It would be more complicated and weird to insisted on eating them with a tool design to drink soup.
Although technically I do use the larger spoon for single serving ice cream - when I was at school I got frustrated by cheap flatware bending on me, so now for something hard I prefer the sturdier choice
Yeah, I've got this issue as well (nothing that better quality spoon can solves but my finances is out of topic) but I'm speaking about the ice you buy in single serving. It's not a serving within a big owl but a serving pack tight in some carton bowl just big enough.
I solve this by having larger portions less frequently.
There are basic definitions for different sized flatware and yes the dessert spoon is the smaller one - https://mariascondo.com/blogs/kitchen/which-spoon-is-used-for-eating-a-comprehensive-guide-to-different-types-of-spoons-and-their-uses
I think point three is pretty "normal". A lot of People eat cake, pudding and ice cream with smaller cutlery.
I'm screen shotting this and the other reply. My friend asked for a spoon and I was like, "regular or little?" and she acted like I was insane. How the tables have turned.
She'll go insane in Germany: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuchengabel
I do something similar to the clothing thing but with buildings. Like if I see an old run down store I think about if that was someone's dream to run and it just didn't work, or they retired and it fell apart. I develop weird empathy for buildings doing this 😅
I used to feel bad every time I saw a newly-opened small business that had closed.
It's still sad sometimes. However, ever since I *worked* in a few small businesses, I got to see just how *batshit* some small business owners are.
Now when I look at a "new" small business that just closed, I can't help but suspect that a power-tripping owner probably fucked it all up through their own arrogance.
I get the building thing in rural Australia gold rush towns where there'll be some amazing stone building that was probably a bank or similar place of business but has since become a cafe or junk shop.
I dream about buildings and city scapes. Everything that happens in the dream can be detailed, but the focus is on the architecture.
I have that issue #2 at least when it comes to going to stores and restaurants. As soon as the staff recognizes me I never want to go again for some reason.
I have massive social anxiety that's probably the main part of it.
Same! I don't know why, but it's like, "they were nice... I can never come here again."
It's not that bad for me, but fear of being perceived, fear of being know.. It's all a giant mess
For me at least I think has is something like:
If I'm odd and they don't know me I'm just an odd customer. But if I'm odd and a regular than I'm an odd person they are thinking about a lot and that makes me nervous like I might mess up.
Honestly I prefer to be perceived as a little weird, because then you can be.. A little weird without worrying about it.
There isn't really a *what* to what I'm afraid of. I'm not sure if it's better or worse this way
Exactly this with me too. If they know me I have to hold myself to different standards and more small talk and stuff like that.
I have been trying to force myself to go to the same places but I usually fail. The only thing that works for me is going with someone else.
i'm similar, for me it's less about recognition, more so about privacy. I'm fairly schizo, so i'm pre-disposed to a lot of weird behaviors regarding that. Just a weird quirk of my neurology i guess.
i dont think this is that weird? They make cutlery in various sizes, there has to be a reason.
It's unusual to want change up your routes?
Most people prefer the same safe known routes rather than adventure
What's maladaptive daydreaming?
I think it's just the name given to "extreme" day dreaming. It's like having a TV on in the background for me. Sometimes I'll just blink and realize I've been gone for a bit. 😅
Daydreaming to the point where it's interfering with your day to day life
I'm with you on everyone of these, except the last one (but I know a ton who are lactose intolerant). Now you got me thinking, are these things not normal or are we the actual normal ones.
That's actually kind of comforting. Even if we aren't normal, we're not normal as a unit. 🫱🏽🫲🏻
Oh I do the cutlery thing, I always eat ice cream with the smallest spoon I have.
I prefer long handled sorbet spoons over soup/desert spoons.
I'm with you on your second point. I'll only go back if its somewhere I want to be remembered, i.e. my favorite restaurant.
Grab the one of the middle knuckles of one of your fingers firmly with your other hand. Now slide the skin to your fingertip, then down to the base knuckle.
What's that? You can't do that, because the skin is fixed in place? Well, imagine my surprise when I learned penises aren't supposed to be like that.
I still aim to have mine returned, if it's the last thing I do. Really makes you wonder who's profiting off all those ill-gotten foreskins.
If we're lucky they were used to harvest stem cells, I guess (though now we can turn skin cells into stem cells IIRC)
I'd still like it back, please.
iirc there's a little rubber thing that tugs on the foreskin and actually grows it back. That was an interesting reddit sub to find at 3am.
wow did not know this was a possibility https://www.wikihow.com/Regrow-Foreskin
If it's on wikihow i'll believe it's real
put that on a T-shirt lol
Been doing this for 2 years now with a device. Took me a decade to get enough to wear it, but it’s a great process and it’s real:
Obviously NSFW:
https://bsky.app/profile/bearcubass.bsky.social
I guess the doctors get paid
I was not sure if I was cut or not for a long time. They left me enough skin that it still slides like you describe.
There's a whole range of procedures that fall under the umbrella term of circumcision, depending on how much they cut off. It goes from snipping off a little ring at the tip (the traditional bris), to outright removal of the entire mobile skin system. I figure I've lost at least 15 square inches (an index card size) of adult tissue.
Damn I'm sorry.
its called phismosis, i believe. it can constrict your penis to the point to "strangle it" an untreated one can accumulated "smegma" and it theorized it poses a higher risk of penile malignancy, which is rare. theres a similar called paraphismosis, which can caused by inflammation.
I'm aware of the condition. It's the primary adults get circumcised.
That people poo every day or every other day, not once a week.
3/week to 3/day is considered normal in many docs I read. As my body started to hate gluten, I was up to like 6/day. Now back down to 2-3 (but sorely missing bread, pizza, etc.)
did you ever get tested for celiacs, and or insensitivity? thats usualy the most common thing.
A parent has Celiac's and I know I'm a carrier of one of the associated variants related to it from an old DNA test. For unrelated reasons (positive for blood fecal occult of yearly health check), I had cameras in basically all of me and they found no indications. However, I had been mostly gluten free for months. Before the stomach camera, I did eat gluten for a few days, but nothing interesting showed up. I was told I could do some blood tests off insurance at a high price (probably not too crazy since this is Japan and not the US), but it wouldn't actually be useful; currently there are no medications approved for use in relation to celiac's in Japan and it would just make my life insurance more expensive and have other potential weird side effects.
My mom and her side have always had issues as well, being diagnosed as IBS among other things. I chose to get sterilized so at least the problem, whatever it is, ends here, heh.
Lactose for me. No more cheese or ice cream or it's also back to 6/day. Luckily there is medicine for the occasional treat.
I need so many lactaid pills to help I just gave up and accept the bathroom.
Try well aged hard cheese, most of the lactose is processed by the microbes. Naturally fermented yogurt is also low in lactose, but it needs to be thick and only 2 ingredients (milk and culture), if it is runny or has thickeners, avoid.
Good quality butter also has minimal lactose. It should basically be 100% fat.
Be careful though, it may be a dairy protein intolerance rather than lactose, usually this is more severe.
Vegan cheese and non dairy ice cream are pretty good these days! Ben and Jerry's has a pretty big line of them, and miyokos makes amazing cheese!
Vegan cheese isn't really a thing here in Japan (hell, "real" cheese in general isn't), but I can say Japan also has some pretty decent soy-based icecreams.
I haven't heard of that before, very interesting! Thanks for sharing :)
I was taught the 3/3 rule in pathology class fwiw.
👀
Looks like we have representation from both ends of the spectrum here 😅
Poopin every morning with your morning coffee (as seen on tv) is a weakness. Be proud!
My family was super meat-centric for all holidays except Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Any meal where it's physically possible to barbecue, we would. And a family barbecue meant hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, pork steaks, and beef steaks -- one of each per person, plus a couple of extras. Sides were German-style slaw and potato salad. Buns were not included, but my grandma would always put a stack of white bread on the table (she was the only person who ever ate it).
When I started dating my husband and took him to a family holiday, he was shocked by the fact that my whole family was eating hamburgers and hot dogs with flatware instead of on buns. And he was actually sad at the lack of side dishes.
When I went to one of his family barbecues, I was sad that there was just one hamburger per person (already on a soggy bun) and a ton of weird casseroles.
That sounds so German. I know the bun-less burgers as “frickadellen”, my own parents (both German immigrants who met each other over here) used to make them fairly frequently.
There is no c in Frikadelle.
Interesting, in NL frikadellen are more like ground-up-meat long sausages.
and in Russia the word stands for meatballs
TIL
That does sound a bit one sided. If you ever (want) to learn how to cook, you'd be amazed what you can do with vegetables, other than boiling them. Those can be truly inspirational and unique. Will be tough to sell to your family though haha.
I mean. Coleslaw or other slaw, potato or pasta salad, pickles? Mashed potatoes? Those are all good American BBQ sides.
Watching porn to get relief.
I – as many other guys in this society – learned to watch porn at a young age. So I wired sexual stimulation as well as the dopamine release after orgasm to porn. For many years of my life, I would not masturbate without it.
I denied my addiction because everyone watches porn, right? Also I thought, being addicted to porn means sitting at home all day fapping and watching more and more perverse stuff. So I can't be addicted, if I watch porn once a week, right?
Well, it took me a long time to figure all that out. The society having such a positive attitude towards porn did not help. Maybe, we all are addicted. I think it's super fucked up. If not due to the effect it has on our brains, then at least due to the humiliation of women for capital.
An addiction is when your habit starts having significant negative impacts on your life. So, for example, if you are choosing to stay home and watch porn instead of going to work, buying groceries, go out with friends, or sleep with actual women, then yes, you have a porn addiction.
If you jerk off on a Tuesday night before you go to bed... that's fine. Watch porn, or don't, it doesn't matter. If you enjoy your life more when you don't watch porn for whatever reason, that's fine too. You do you. But regularly watching porn isn't an addiction any more than regularly grabbing a beer with friends on a Friday night makes you an alcoholic.
Also, yes, there is a problem of the exploitation of women in some porn. *Some* porn studios do take advantage of women. But women aren't "humiliated" simply by being in porn. There is nothing wrong with a woman willingly engaging in any kind of sexual act in front of a camera, whether it's plain ol missionary or an interracial CNC gangbang. Many women *enjoy* making porn and sharing it - just peruse FetLife and you can see tons of porn made completely for free, just for fun.
Like, really. Unless it's a problem, it's not a problem.
This is how I feel with a lot of vices.
I think the worst part is when people don't realize they're addicted and have a lower-than-average life. Streamers normalizing things like peeing in bottles or living in a mess. Or just being addicted to doom scrolling and not going outside to interact with the real world.
And if the person doesn't have the tools to reflect on their situation, they're kind of screwed. They don't know what to change.
Thats why this perspective is a problem. You won't know you are at risk of addiction until you are already addicted. Apparently its very easy to kick addictions though so I guess no worries. Theres definitely some logic to the idea things aren't a an addiction until they negatively affect your life, but I think there needs to be more nuance there for it to be practically useful advice.
FetLife is a good counterexample I did not know yet. And I completely agree: there is nothing wrong with women willingly doing porn.
But looking at other freely available porn, I cannot agree that only *some* porn studios treat their actors like submissive cash cows doing literally anything to feed the dopamine rush of their viewers. Sure the actors are paid for it. Prostitutes also get paid and still nobody would claim they are enjoying their job. In the end, we all need money to survive.
I said some, since I didn't feel comfortable giving even general statistics here.
Prostitution should be legal and regulated, which would significantly lessen incidents of abuse of women.
Do porn stars and prostitutes like their jobs? Some of them do. For some it is just a job. For some, they hate it, but it is their best option for making money. In all these cases, this is not different than any other job, and I don't see a problem with that. Only if there is real significant coersion does it become problematic to me.
I don't think using porn is abnormal, at least by the definition of normal.
*Creating* porn is abnormal, by the definition of normal.
Every job is abnormal, by the definition of normal.
My point is that, even ignoring all the crew on set, porn sex is not normal sex. Not even close. Porn is abnormal compared to sex.
And movie detectives are not normal detectives…
Agreed.
I agree. In our society, watching porn is normal. I went more after the feeling of the word.
Science Stopped Believing in Porn Addiction. You Should, Too
Article points out that having a moral issue over porn is a much, much stronger prediction of perceiving problems than levels of use. The headline writer and introduction conclude that porn addiction isn't real, but I think the detail of the article suggests more that behaviour only really gets properly out of control in the presence of self-disapproval.
I think a more consistent summary for that content is "Mainly only religious people seek help from psychologists for what they perceive as porn addiction, but overwhelmingly their behaviour doesn't fit the professional thresholds for addiction".
there are some medical forums, that had PORN-INDUCED ED, and it includes watching it excessively, either on a weekly bases or everday to the point they cant even get hard without it. some people do admit they are watching more aggressive porn the more they watch. and people post thier experience how they are treating it, like from cold turkey or seeking therapy, but i noticed most wont seek therapy and would rather go cold turkey.
oh its to do with dopamine, well that explains why i never got addicted to porn lmao...
For anybody wondering, my brain neurology is fucked inexplicably for some reason, i can't process emotion correctly, and i generally don't experience them either.
At Easter, my family had a tradition where Easter Bunny left notes telling us where the next set of eggs were and we'd follow a trail of clues around the house. I thought everyone did it that way
That was how it worked when I was a kid 🤷♂️
Gotta find all of the eggs to get the last clue where the candy is.
Maybe your family started early with explaining data structures, and this was their introduction to linked lists. Did you also have some family holiday featuring a red/green tree?
Yes, where everyone gives duct tape and the traditional holiday greeting is "keep your stick on the ice."
Well played
I don't celebrate Easter. What *do* people do if not that?
My understanding is they usually just hide eggs around the house or yard and search, what was unusual was Easter Bunny giving us notes telling us where to look
yes, this is how we did it, only we lived in an apartment where there were only so many possible hiding places, so it was never an enormous challenge in later years :D
Standing to wipe your ass
There's both types, but most don't realize the other one exists.
I'm not sure how we got on the topic, but it came up in a drunken conversation with a friend. I'm fully converted to a sit down wiper now.
I mean, how does standing even work? Sitting spreads things and makes it all accessible.
Step one be skinny Step two raise one leg
You just get up after pooping, and then pull the TP through your butt cheeks. It's massively inferior, the poop gets spread around when you stand up. I used like 10x more TP as a standing wiper. I will say it's gentler on the asshole though.
I don't think we were drunk, but I did eventually ask a friend which they were... and it caused the same conversion for me.
For me it was wiping your ass in general.
My family comes from sri Lanka we just fill a bucket with water. (Or use a bidet if available)
So with the bucket would you use your hand to apply the water? I'm having trouble figuring that statement out.
You basically pour the water and use it to wash your rear by hand. Wash your hands thoroughly, and dry off.
Nowadays in sri Lanka they have bidets everywhere but here in Canada we don't sadly.
I still wipe first with a bidet. I don't need little bits of poo going anywhere. And then I wipe after, because I don't need swamp ass, either.
We need an electric ass dryer, for after we use water like civilized people.
Really?
blocked
Also: aphantasia
You have no idea how pissed I was to find out all of you had a fucking superpower, would have been nice to learn this before I wasted 3 years at graphic design
Physical abuse as a child.
Having a constant noise in your head/ears. It was so normal to me I didnt question it for many years. I randomly asked my friends about it one day and found out most people actually dont have an old crt tv like noise in their ears (and that its the disorder tinnitus).
In my case its not very severe thankfully, I dont notice it unless Im in a silent room or Im actively thinking about it.
Being able to picture something in my mind, and having that picture be as realistic as real life! I actually found out this wasn't normal here on Lemmy, so not all that long ago! 😅
I for real hate you
I'm the other way. I always thought "picture an apple" was a metaphor.
Pretty sure aphantasia is the less common one, since language is full of metaphors.
Same. I just posted but opened this thread before you had posted thism I guess I should refresh before posting, heh.
spelling goto as one word.
I will never live down the shame of using 'wend' in a conversation
Well, you should write readable code…
ya buddy?! Well you can just goto EOL
EDIT: I should probably premise this that EOL in this funny context is End-Of-Line, which is an old programming term. I'm not referring to End of Life.
It may be old but I think it is still in use.
GOTO 10
It's quite BASIC, really...
Lmao this was the first thought that came into my mind after reading the post 😅
The single-word version should be your go-to spelling.
Tell that to nasm
Having basic empathy for other living beings, actually make it through hard work alone. Having enough time for a hobby.
Synesthesia. I was about 20 before I learned it has a name and not everyone has strong colour associations for numbers and letters, or sees a visible map of time in their head, or has music take shape. It never occurred to me to question it because it's always been my norm.
My dad thought something was wrong with me when I tried to explain the colors of certain words to him when I was about 10.
Like how a day or a year is like a rollercoaster, coming down in the first half to rise back up in the second? It’s like a really odd sine wave for me.
Now the real question: Do we all see a color the same way?
Would we see it different if we swapped the eyes in the sockets?
I don't think the argument about color perception is about the actual color sensing organs (eyes). we can track where that differs i.e. colorblindness
I think it has to do with the way the brain perceives the input from the eyes. so I may see the world inverted from how you see it and I think that would remain true if we somehow swapped eyes successfully.
My brother-in-law grew up thinking everyone had three sets of grandparents. His mother's parents were divorced and each remarried
To be fair it is pretty common nowadays
My first long term relationship was with a woman who could orgasm from penetration in less than a minute.
Jesus, talk about seeing unrealistic expectations.
After like an hour of foreplay, right?
...\
Right?
Nope lol
She had the shortest fuse I've ever seen
That democracy would result in truth and national interest instead of Israel/US empire maximal warmongering lies.
We haven't had democracy since the Dimpled Chad incident
What the fuck is "Israel/US empire" supposed to be?
Israel has significant influence over US empire. Neocon movement is fully overlapped by zionist supremacism and their middle east war plans/actions. US empire does have some independence from Israel over warmongering lies meant to target Russia and China.
But democracy under US empire serves only US empire, which was the big surprise factor.
Limited joint range. I just thought that's as far as they went. It still freaks me out slightly when I see people using a normal range, as if they'd just turned their heads through 360° or bent their knees the wrong way.
Hello, I have hyper extended elbows and knees. The go a few degrees past normal.
I skateboard mongo and was surprised to learn that I'm basically a mutant
mongo gives you a ton of control on the back wheel, ignore the haters
Worst one in the thread lol get outta here
I thought you meant goofy style and had to look it up. Haven't seen opinions go entirely one way like that on internet forums before. Good luck mutant!
That not everyone cracked their head open as a kid. I just assumed everyone has had stitches in their forehead until I was in my twenties, everyone I knew had some sort of scar like that.
To be fair a lot of us had to get the ol' melon repaired to one degree or another
That's why nature saw fit to use the strongest shape to protect the most important organ
I sniff things. I have a habit where if I am given something I sniff it first looking for a scent first. I do it more often with food than anything else, because I have childhood roach trauma and if anybody has had to deal with the german ones they have a specific smell. Clothing, body care products, boxes, tools, leaves, etc. I sniff it first before I do anything with it. I didn't realize it was weird until my roommate asked me why I kept sniffing things he gave me to hold.
I also shake my towel before using it (IYKYK). I'm trying to break myself on this one.
In highschool nobody told me it's not normal to put on Off like body spray before bed.
Anything I am given from my mom or someone I'm not familiar with I leave it out in the sun 100's ft away from the house for multiple days before I bring it it. I have to inspect every bit of it, shake it, turn it over, etc. Apparently that is not normal, according to some of my coworkers.
I have holes in my fingertips that turn into ulcers and then get better, but it cycles. I've been to the doctor multiple times, they are stumped.
I tend to pick at food when I am at someone's house, especially if I'm new or they recently had a pest problem they've let me know about. I'm shut down, I can only drink water or I have to wait it out and then get food outside the home. I feel like a bad house guest but I'm so scared of eating bugs or mouse droppings.
A lot of my abnormalities seem to stem from some sort of trauma response - I know these aren't normal* now *but trying to break away from some of them is incredibly hard. I have just gotten to the point where I don't ask anyone if I can shower before I actually shower in my home(it slips sometimes, I can't help it). As an adult I realize I look like a paranoid ninny and I think my long time best friend just didn't want to cause a breakdown or something when we were still in high school. I know she probably saw and knew, but I'm lucky I have her and her family worked with kids similar to my situation for a long time so they were the least judgmental people I knew during the dark ages. Also life is tons better, I just need to work on my weird habits like sniffing things. That's gonna get me one of these days.
i started doing this one after an insect crawled into my towel during a shower and spooked me, unlikely, probably wont happen many times going forward, but it's ingrained now.
this ones weird, but you don't have any sort of weird behaviors that would maybe cause this? Skin usually doesn't just break down like that, and when it does, it's usually not just related to a specific point on the body, you would experience in a few places. But weirder shit HAS happened before, so who knows.
I know the shape of this pain, my heart goes out to you.
For me it's visual, I have to do a lot of inspecting before I am comfortable eating
The “holes in fingertips” you snuck into the middle of all of the other quirks easily explained by insect-related trauma really baffles me. Is this like a persistent, intermittent, idiopathic wound? Or a physical abnormality?
It is kind of random, I only remembered because I have a current ulcer right now that's healing and it hurts to type sometimes! So it was like a "And by the way..." type of moment. I don't know what causes it, it's not insect related or me picking at them. It's a recent development and when I try to ask my doctor I get a shrug and "your blood labs are amazing!". I have a few other unexplained conditions I honestly think are related(raynaud's, dysphagia, autonomic disorders), and when I try looking up other experiences people might have with holes in their fingers I basically get regular finger infections and scleroderma support groups. I have yet to see someone else with literal random holes in their fingertips that cyclically turn into ulcers/heal again lol.
Have you spoken specifically to a dermatologist?
Also, my condolences for all the crap you have had to deal with. That is: the original infestations, the continuing trauma, and the potentially-mean responses of people who don't understand. I am but an internet stranger, but I feel you, and wish you luck on overcoming your struggles.
You know, I have and they did dX me with eczema. I already knew I had that though; I started getting stress related pomphlox in graduate school. It's weird what stress can do to you. I will probably go again for another check up to see if they have any further input; I've had a busy schedule and have been putting it off for some time. Everyone has been so sweet here though, it genuinely has made me feel better!
fun fact about dermatology, vitiligo (the one skin disorder where patches lose pigmentation completely) is also stress response induced, because it's an auto immune related disorder.
I'm currently reading "The body keeps the score" which is about ptsd effects and dealing with it. It makes might give you some things to think on and ways to care for yourself.
Shaking the towel is not weird IMO. I do that always because sometimes those dryer lint balls stick to laundry. I'd hate to get that on my wet body.
The body spray, I put on deodorant before sleeping to keep my pits fresh since I shower before bed. Works wonders!
I'm late to reply but putting deodorant on before bed is actually recommended - it takes around 6-8 hours for it to fully sink in and work! I do the same thing. What I was specifically mentioning in my op was bug spray. I used bug repellent(Off is a brand) before bed in high school because of flea infestations my mom refused to fix. I don't do this (and don't have to unless I'm camping) anymore thankfully.
Thanks cor the clarification. Didn't realize you meant bug spray. Never had to use that fortunately but it doesn't sound like fun at all, living with an infestation.
Also, TIL about the 6-8 hours. That's a long time actually.
I'm sorry you went through that. I hope things continue to get better and better.
Aw thank you! Life is waaay better now, granted I'm an adult and I have much more control over how my environment goes. But I no longer live in fear! So I'd say I've come great lengths.
I didn't learn that adults don't stand to wipe until I was like 17
You still can if you want, but maybe don't stand to use a bidet.
Depends on your water pressure
And on the splash zone
I literally don’t understand how people sit and wipe (no bidet). Do you fucking lay on your side to make this happen? If you’re an adult, the toilet opening isn’t that huge to just shove your arm down there, and wipe and if you’re a man then scooting up to get back there makes your penis touch the nasty ass toilet.
So what’s the solution? A slight hover while bent over? Other than that there’s only standing. I don’t understand how people do this. 😂
Ok obviously you know this happens and you know it's stupid and impractical to lay on your side
All the bits that need cleaning are right their up front with just a flat hand extended to get the arch of the backdoor. If you can jerk your rod sitting down then it's only 3 more inches till you're wiping your shitter
So don't pretend it's some kind of acrobatic feat
But my question is, mr. standing wiper, how the fuck do you get to your taint, or do you have to do 2 trips?
You lean a little. I don't know how to word with without being crass, but I feel like if you're standing the cheeks are together and you can't get in there. 😅
Can’t believe I am writing this crap to strangers online. Ha!
Well, if you’re standing you use a hand to spread a cheek and you wipe with the other. There’s no need to grab the cheek so deep you’re touching anything that would be there, just enough to separate. You can get in there no problem.
What if you have a big butt?
Just scoot forwards a bit?
Rinsing off with the shower head after a bath. You don't take your clothes out of the washer—nor your dishes out of the dishwasher—without doing a rinse cycle first, so why should it be any different for your body?
Dabbing in-and-out instead of wiping front-to-back/back-to-front. You're literally spreading shit all over your crack if you wipe instead of dab. All you gotta do is spread your cheeks before you sit down, and cleanup will be minimal cause everything will stay near your asshole instead of smearing all over your cheeks.
Wait hold up on the first one. Doesn't everyone do a quick rinse with the shower after a bath? You've been sitting in soapy skin soup!
I wash myself prior to the bath not during it
This might be big brained
I like a bubble bath with extra suds.
I usually don't. I don't take a bath if I'm completely covered in dirt. The actual concentration of dirt or skin in the bathwater has to be incredibly low. I take a bath to relax, not to get clean.
People don't do this? Sitting in dirty water for a period of time doesn't make me feel any cleaner.
Shower first, then bathe & relax.
I don't take a bath to get clean, I take a bath to relax. Showering at the end would undo the relaxed state
The way I was raised.
That first party warranty repair services sometimes don't allow having a second party do the repair.
I have always just been able to bring the item into the nearest repair facility, and just have them do the repair under warranty, it wasn't until today that I learned there is some brands that straight out won't let you do anything but the ship in and fix style warranties. I would figure it would be cheaper to allow second party repair reimbursement but nope.
Excessive alcohol consumption
Rationality