鴉PieFed2nd child at 52 - is it a mistake?
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So, my girlfriend of 6 years is pregnant. It wasn’t planned. She 110% wants to keep the baby. I’m okay with that, but holy fuck I’ll be 70 when they’ll turn 18. I also know my son (28) will react badly when he hears the news.
Hey, congratulations!
Absolutely it's a mistake, but you don't have any reproductive rights. You can't change it, so all you can do is live with the fact you're bringing a child into the world who will lose his/her parents very early.
It's not a good idea or a mistake it's just a thing that's going to happen so prepare as best you can and enjoy, right?
Look, super individual and I cannot say if it is right or wrong.
What I can say, is that I know parents that brought children at 50+ and it is often the case that they lose the energy needed to properly raise a child. You have to remember that you will have around 18 years of teaching manners and social norms, ethics, compassion, patience, and more.
In my experience, kids to older parents, especially when it is not the first child, tend to be under developed and under educated as the parents end up losing the energy and patience to be firm enough to really educate and properly raise the child.
All of this to say, if you're going to do this, don't forget that you owe that child proper parenting, and not a tired beatdown parenting. Just remember this, because if you don't, you might just leave that child completely unprepared for the world.
I hope it goes well and that you will be great parents, congratulations 🥳
Your girlfriend is keeping the baby so the only mistake you can make is not supporting her. Your son's feelings about the situation are relatively unimportant, in my opinion. Just as important as mine was when my mom spit out 3 more kids in succession after me.
Agree with this. It's her decision alone, so the only question is how supportive to be (which shouldn't really be a question tbh).
Hopefully OP's son's reaction will be better than expected and it all works out.
Good to you all OP 👍
Relatively is carrying a lot of weight there.
Their 28-year-old son may not have much to do with the fact that they are having another kid, but that fully grown adult man is still a part of the family and should count for something.
There's no need to just completely and totally toss him out of the equation.
Especially when you consider that there is a possibility, depending on the age of the girlfriend, that both of them could die before this child reaches the age of majority, in which case, he would likely need to step in to finish the job.
You're saying a person's child should have a say in whether they have another child.
You're saying that nobody else in the family matters even though they've already decided to keep the child.
My parents are 80 and still have a teenager in the house due to a lifetime of crummy decisions.
My experience with my mom and dad trying to parent at a very advanced age has been that, in many ways you may not be able to see now, your age will make it exceedingly difficult or impossible to parent properly.
It isn't just a bad idea. It's a terrible idea.
I had one at 46, and 12 years later I'm glad we did. That said, it is draining to keep up with him. I had to get my physical fitness shit together, and that helps. I also aim for 8h of sleep per night. (I didn't get that with a newborn, but I do now.)
Sounds like it’s not your decision, you already made the decision when having unprotected sex.
The real question is how will this be for you and your relationship. As a young father I think you will have it better. You have the experience and (hopefully) financial stability that young parents don’t to make it a smoother experience. I have one or two uncles who had children at such an age and it when well.
Of course that does sound crazy to be 70 when they’re 18 but oh well. Young children keep you young ;)
Jesus, what a judgmental tone, and you don't even know that.
Judgmental tone comes from you thinking it’s your decision.
Spot on. I dunno wtf he's talking about. You just laid out how it is. What is the guy gonna do to correct this 'mistake' if she's already decided to keep it, ffs?
To put it bluntly, yes. This is a terrible mistake. The chances of you just dying before they even turn 18 is much higher than if you had been say 32 or even 40. Even if you don't die what if you have the Alzheimers ticking time bomb? You might be alive but struggling to remember even your eldest
Parenting isn't just about getting from 0-18, it's also about watching them grow beyond that and lead their own lives. With a bit of luck, you'll be somewhat ok cognitively till 75/80 and if you take care of yourself physically decently mobile but that gets you to, them being 23/28
On the plus side, you're probably completely financially stable at this point so... there's that
I wouldn't, but done is done, if she is having it what can you do? As someone who had a dad for 16 years, I wouldn't have traded those years with him for more years with a different dad, we were so close. And he died at around your age, there are no guarantees even if you aren't old, right?
My brother had a kid when he was about your age and I remember my mom told me, and I said "they are adopting a kid?" And she said no, and I was like, "they have a surrogate ?" And she said no, and I said" but who is pregnant, I don't understand " And she said Sue, Sue is pregnant (like I was an idiot) and I said "but they're SO OLD, how?" And that was when I found out she was younger than my brother, I thought they were close in age. Anyway - their kid is fine, she's grown and happy there was no real issue for them.
If I was your 28 year old son I would have gotten my mad over with already, but jesuchristo how young is your girlfriend, that it's safe for her to be pregnant? Do you have younger brothers and sisters? Is there going to be a lot of family in case anything happens to you?
She’s 36. 1 year above the “geriatric pregnancy” mark. We have close, younger family.
I was older than that with my last, not sure if it's riskier (for her) if it's her first but doctors must be used to handling it, seems average now.
I don't do age gaps but when I got together with my husband his kids (and some of mine ) were older but I had a younger set, and he said his mom was like "you really want to start over like that?" But since you have one, you know they grow up so fast, now he says he kinda wishes we'd had one together too. I've been the young parents and the old parents, I think the younger set of kids (old parents) got a better deal overall.
Best wishes to you in any case. I think it will be ok. It helps a lot to have more family around, and if some of your siblings are younger there may be cousins too.
This detail makes all the difference. At least one of you guys will have the energy, and you'll just have to manage your lives very transparently. Rather then expecting things, say them out loud to each other, communication will make a big deal.
You'll be fine, as long as you manage your expectations of the life you will have together clearly.
And although it might seem problematic to your son, just quote " life uuuugh finds a way" and he'll accept you for the dinosaur you think you are. You're both grown ups and don't need each other's opinions on life, but should treat each other with respect.
My parents were not that much younger when I was born. FWIW I'm happy to exist and had a good childhood. My dad died when I was 29, which was tough of course, but he was still there for me until I "stood on my own 2 feet".
Shit happens. Start yoga. Speak with a dietitian and stick to a plan. You're going to need the energy
I’ve known people who were raised by their grandparents and grew up OK, but I assume it was harder on the grandparents.
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I’m in good health. Both my girlfriend and I are non-smoking teetotallers, don’t do drugs, eat healthy, work out 5 days a week and stay active by jogging, hiking, riding bicycles, playing tennis and swimming, etc. Work out our brains too by doing math…
Sounds like you're in the perfect place to make this unexpected situation work, then. Good luck!
Don't be afraid of your son.
Be afraid for your old bones when your little kid needs you to play some sports with him.
My Dad was 50 when I was born. I’m okay.
My dad was 50 when I was born. It may be the case that the generational gap between me and him is larger than most of my peers, but that's not a terribly large issue. There are far worse things than being a bit out of touch. Maybe it's a wake-up call to take as good care of your health as possible so that you can still be active into your son's 20's and maybe even 30's, but otherwise I don't really see any great issues.
It takes a village to raise a child. You will be fine. .
I mean, assuming you'll still be alive at 70. Yeah it's pretty old. Children are high maintenance and need a lot of energy. Best of luck to you and your new family.
When I was 35 my father had his 3rd child. 2 years later I had my first child, 2 years after that I had my second. The only thing that gets to me is he isn't necessarily the grampa I want for my children. He's busy raising his own kid and I get that but it'd still be nice to have a more active grandpa. Just my two cents and something to keep in mind if your kid is going to possibly be expecting within the next handful of years
I'm not sure if there's something specific you're asking about regarding the age thing. presumably you wouldn't ask "is having a kid a mistake" unqualified, the answer is obviously pretty unique to your situation. being 52 doesn't categorically make it a mistake, but IMO it pushes it into that direction.
You'll be 70 either way.
Why would your son react badly? Relax and tell him to come over for a rewatch of Modern Family.
You have a second chance to raise a kid - you don't have to repeat old mistakes, you'll get to make completely new ones!