I thought I was smart/knowledgeable until I started working with people who really are smart/knowledgeable.
I tried to keep up and be one of them, but I do better when I just try to follow along with them and consider alternatives and implications of what they propose.
I wouldn't say I'm the token idiot, but I have perspectives they don't, and those are useful. Then again, that's exactly what the token idiot would say.
The fact that you can follow along & offer a different perspective counts for more than you think, because it shows that you understand.
The worst is the people who think they're the smartest person in the room, don't understand what anyone is trying to explain to them, and insist on doing everything their way.
I've come to the realization that the "gifted program" was just an excuse to get all the ADHD and autistic kids out of the teacher's hair for a couple of hours. Instead of learning stuff, they made me do pointless shit like make a fake Rosetta stone and bury it, or build a bridge out of popsicle sticks. Complete waste of time.
I have always been considered "eccentric" or a bit "odd". I made my peace with it and lived my life knowing that I'm not mentally ok.
After I emigrated to Germany and befriended new people, I realized that I have always been normal, I just didn't have hillbilly interests like everyone else around me.
Grew up in suburban midwest USA. As middle of the country as you can get.
It wasn't until I moved to the Pacific Northwest of the US that, like you, I wasn't an aberration, I had just grown up around trash people.
I started putting the pieces together during the divorce. Several aliases were given when my lawyer looked into it. Lots of info came out a long while after, though.
Among other things, I found out that he had not been employed where he said he was for a long while, he lied about work "potlucks" in which he "was supposed to bring a dish or a cash donation for food" (he would tell me only an hour or so before these "events"), his therapy attendance, his mandate AA attendance (he had a sponser lie for him in exchange for god knows what), his family experience, his education background, his travels, where he acquired items & appliances, what happened to my pets, etc.
It got real dark. I ran into an old mutual friend after the divorce that I had not spoken to for a looong time. He asked what my ex had "ended up doing with the cat." I was shocked. My cat mysteriously went missing during our marriage, so I asked what he meant. He said that my ex came over and asked what he should do with "an annoying cat that kept coming to [our] house", and they had given advice about shelters and websites where he could give the cat away. There was never a cat that came to our house. Only my cat. I never saw him again.
That relationship was an actual psychological horror. There's soooo much more, but that's some of it.
Wow, that's horrifying. He sounds psychotic and psychological. That must be hard to come back from without permanent trust issues. I hope you're doing okay. Was it long ago?
It was around 6 years ago, at this point. I'm safe now.
I'm lucky he wasn't a smart man! Manipulation is one hell of a drug. Also, drugs are one hell of a drug! I finally initiated the divorce because he punched a hole in the wall. That wasn't the final straw.. it was actually me finding nearly 50 cans of duster (canned air) in the wall that did it.
Yeah, I'm not sure I ever "came back", unfortunately. Dealing with the aftermath is not fun.
But I'm happy to finally have a safe & stable environment of my own now. Peace is all I crave now. I'm fortunate to finally have some.
He's around, but away from me. Hasn't had contact since I made it clear that I have a legal leg-up on him, so he can't continue to manipulate me. I think he's still with the woman he cheated with, so he's her problem now.
I sincerely hope that his life returns to him what he has given to others.
I was 28 when I was diagnosed autistic. Up until then I had just assumed I was shitty and worthless. Turns out there has never been anything wrong with me, it's actually society that has failed me.
Excellent! There are definitely both pros and cons to finding out, but I believe that the pros outweigh the cons. Perhaps the most significant pro is that it helps alleviates self hatred.
A friend showed me the movie "Mary and Max" (2009) which has an early scene where they describe the behaviors of Max, an autistic man. That's what started me down the rabbit hole. All undiagnosed adults are aware how different they are compared to others, but that awareness is mostly suppressed by masking. Mostly.
Hey, I was the same age. I've gotten a lot better but if I'd learned years earlier, maybe I wouldn't have had so much of my life where I was doped to the gills for being "weird and sensitive".
I'm actually on the spectrum myself so I do understand you more than neurotypicals
I know that shitty and worthless Feeling, like you can't do anything and have to rely on others and you're useless outside of the small things you do know how to do
The part of your comment about society failing you really reminds me of how bad my school was at teaching, yes they had a support person in classes sometimes to help you if you got stuck and here in Australia in high-school they have a subject / class specifically for people with disabilities alongside your regular subjects / classes but I still felt they just made things easier for me and did the bare minimum in teaching me skills to support myself instead of relying on others for help when I got stuck on something
It also reminds me of how parts of society build up support structures for people on the spectrum without involving people on the spectrum at all so they think the structures will work for every autistic person without out having actually having involved people on the spectrum to help them see what it's actually like as an autistic person on the spectrum and get feedback from us on what can be done to better support us
I do like that NDIS (National Disability Insurance Service) here in Australia involves you in planning but it's still just picking parts of that existing support structure that was made without autistic peoples input
Military brat growing up in various parts of the US/foreign military bases. Like, my dad had leaves on his shoulder and I was often expected to be a showpiece at various squadron events a promotions and whatnot. Bought into all of the propaganda about American exceptionalism and how the military was full of heroes and always did the right thing. Managed to get an undergrad in physics so I could work on making sure people like my dad were more likely to come home. Got a job doing radar jamming for bombers; I was proud out of my mind and conquering the nightmares about my dad not coming home from my childhood. Did that for 5 years, and given the clearance and the nature of the work I learned a much more accurate version of what the American military does/is. Slowly realized that my entire upbringing and worldview were toxic horseshit, and let depression and PTSD rage unchecked because I was afraid of losing my clearance for seeking help. Finally couldn't take it, quit, and went back to school. Got a masters in compsci and was working on a PhD when the PTSD started to get overwhelming and got kicked out. Probably for the better anyway, I was basically a glorified DHS intern as a phd student. I'm out of that situation now but I don't know what to do with my life. Everything I know and all of my skills feel like poison, I don't even believe in science anymore. Like in the sense that I don't believe it can be used for the benefit of humanity rather than building imperial militaries or police states. I am struggling
Hello, oil baby here. My dad was a physicist for big oil and my mom was a geologist. Your whole life isn’t a lie. We went through this so we can help the world change. No one said this would be easy. Of course you still believe in science and you better never say that again. Make big choices, get somewhere new where you can find hope and pull yourself out of this. We need you
Look I'm sure you mean well but I've been hearing roughly the same line my entire life. "Nobody said it would be easy, the world needs you!" I've listened before, and all it's gotten me is some unknowable amount of blood on my hands (complete with recurring detailed nightmares from the times I've watched the end results of my work) and completely discarded from society when it started affecting my mental health. The world is legitimately a worse place for the scientific endeavors I've been part of, and it absolutely does not need another overconfident white guy who was raised to be an oppressor and has been marinating in propaganda for the better part of 3 decades. It's got enough of those already, strictly to the detriment of everybody living here
Hey man you’ve got nothing but agreeance from me. You’re 100 percent right. I moved from the Deep South to the pacific north west because I was horrified by my roots and by what my family contributed to. But I have zero excuses for not having a better attitude, more resilience and at least attempting to better the world. You’re not wrong, but none of your feelings change the fact that the world does, in fact, need your brain power- especially if you’re capable of such deep introspection. I value you. I hope you can start to value yourself.
My siblings feel the same way. Three of us and zero grandkids. Trying to live lightly upon this earth and not commit the same sins as the ones before us.
If you have a doctor that you can see, you could ask about trying Prazosin for the nightmares. It's a blood pressure medication that has been shown to reduce PTSD nightmares, and getting better quality sleep can make a huge difference in your ability to handle everything else. It's a dirt-cheap medication with minimal side effects, and it's not a controlled substance that shows up on anything.
My father and I had the same name which one part derives from a distant relative. He told me for ten plus years that I was the nth of that name when it really was just us. I had been so proud! Really mean trick on a child.
鴉PieFed
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"It all started back in elementary school when they told me I was 'gifted'..."
I thought I was smart/knowledgeable until I started working with people who really are smart/knowledgeable.
I tried to keep up and be one of them, but I do better when I just try to follow along with them and consider alternatives and implications of what they propose.
I wouldn't say I'm the token idiot, but I have perspectives they don't, and those are useful. Then again, that's exactly what the token idiot would say.
The fact that you can follow along & offer a different perspective counts for more than you think, because it shows that you understand.
The worst is the people who think they're the smartest person in the room, don't understand what anyone is trying to explain to them, and insist on doing everything their way.
Seems more common than they made it out to be.
I've noticed as I've gotten older, everything I thought was unique to me was fairly common among other people.
I've come to the realization that the "gifted program" was just an excuse to get all the ADHD and autistic kids out of the teacher's hair for a couple of hours. Instead of learning stuff, they made me do pointless shit like make a fake Rosetta stone and bury it, or build a bridge out of popsicle sticks. Complete waste of time.
That's literally what we did, lol, and advanced math. Plus, I think we got to go on several field trips each year. Those were nice.
But yeah, I came to the same conclusion far too late in life.
Grew up in rural Eastern Europe.
I have always been considered "eccentric" or a bit "odd". I made my peace with it and lived my life knowing that I'm not mentally ok.
After I emigrated to Germany and befriended new people, I realized that I have always been normal, I just didn't have hillbilly interests like everyone else around me.
Grew up in suburban midwest USA. As middle of the country as you can get. It wasn't until I moved to the Pacific Northwest of the US that, like you, I wasn't an aberration, I had just grown up around trash people.
I feel you man, it must have been tough.
I'm happy for you that you got away from all that.
Same to you!
How about my entire marriage?
No joke, turns out that he was even lying about his name!
Thankfully, that meant that he and I don't even share the same last name, so I didn't feel the need to change it after the divorce.
Nearly every single thing that man told me was a lie.
That must have been horrible. Did it all come out at once, or did you piece things together a little at a time?
I started putting the pieces together during the divorce. Several aliases were given when my lawyer looked into it. Lots of info came out a long while after, though.
Among other things, I found out that he had not been employed where he said he was for a long while, he lied about work "potlucks" in which he "was supposed to bring a dish or a cash donation for food" (he would tell me only an hour or so before these "events"), his therapy attendance, his mandate AA attendance (he had a sponser lie for him in exchange for god knows what), his family experience, his education background, his travels, where he acquired items & appliances, what happened to my pets, etc.
It got real dark. I ran into an old mutual friend after the divorce that I had not spoken to for a looong time. He asked what my ex had "ended up doing with the cat." I was shocked. My cat mysteriously went missing during our marriage, so I asked what he meant. He said that my ex came over and asked what he should do with "an annoying cat that kept coming to [our] house", and they had given advice about shelters and websites where he could give the cat away. There was never a cat that came to our house. Only my cat. I never saw him again.
That relationship was an actual psychological horror. There's soooo much more, but that's some of it.
Wow, that's horrifying. He sounds psychotic and psychological. That must be hard to come back from without permanent trust issues. I hope you're doing okay. Was it long ago?
It was around 6 years ago, at this point. I'm safe now.
I'm lucky he wasn't a smart man! Manipulation is one hell of a drug. Also, drugs are one hell of a drug! I finally initiated the divorce because he punched a hole in the wall. That wasn't the final straw.. it was actually me finding nearly 50 cans of duster (canned air) in the wall that did it.
Yeah, I'm not sure I ever "came back", unfortunately. Dealing with the aftermath is not fun.
But I'm happy to finally have a safe & stable environment of my own now. Peace is all I crave now. I'm fortunate to finally have some.
That really does sound like a nightmare. I'm glad you're in a better place now.
Is he still around doing his lying thing to other people m
Thank you.
He's around, but away from me. Hasn't had contact since I made it clear that I have a legal leg-up on him, so he can't continue to manipulate me. I think he's still with the woman he cheated with, so he's her problem now.
I sincerely hope that his life returns to him what he has given to others.
I was 28 when I was diagnosed autistic. Up until then I had just assumed I was shitty and worthless. Turns out there has never been anything wrong with me, it's actually society that has failed me.
37 when I found out. Surprised I even made it this far, doing a bit better now that I know now.
Excellent! There are definitely both pros and cons to finding out, but I believe that the pros outweigh the cons. Perhaps the most significant pro is that it helps alleviates self hatred.
Deleted by author
A friend showed me the movie "Mary and Max" (2009) which has an early scene where they describe the behaviors of Max, an autistic man. That's what started me down the rabbit hole. All undiagnosed adults are aware how different they are compared to others, but that awareness is mostly suppressed by masking. Mostly.
Hey, I was the same age. I've gotten a lot better but if I'd learned years earlier, maybe I wouldn't have had so much of my life where I was doped to the gills for being "weird and sensitive".
I'm actually on the spectrum myself so I do understand you more than neurotypicals
I know that shitty and worthless Feeling, like you can't do anything and have to rely on others and you're useless outside of the small things you do know how to do
The part of your comment about society failing you really reminds me of how bad my school was at teaching, yes they had a support person in classes sometimes to help you if you got stuck and here in Australia in high-school they have a subject / class specifically for people with disabilities alongside your regular subjects / classes but I still felt they just made things easier for me and did the bare minimum in teaching me skills to support myself instead of relying on others for help when I got stuck on something
It also reminds me of how parts of society build up support structures for people on the spectrum without involving people on the spectrum at all so they think the structures will work for every autistic person without out having actually having involved people on the spectrum to help them see what it's actually like as an autistic person on the spectrum and get feedback from us on what can be done to better support us
I do like that NDIS (National Disability Insurance Service) here in Australia involves you in planning but it's still just picking parts of that existing support structure that was made without autistic peoples input
Military brat growing up in various parts of the US/foreign military bases. Like, my dad had leaves on his shoulder and I was often expected to be a showpiece at various squadron events a promotions and whatnot. Bought into all of the propaganda about American exceptionalism and how the military was full of heroes and always did the right thing. Managed to get an undergrad in physics so I could work on making sure people like my dad were more likely to come home. Got a job doing radar jamming for bombers; I was proud out of my mind and conquering the nightmares about my dad not coming home from my childhood. Did that for 5 years, and given the clearance and the nature of the work I learned a much more accurate version of what the American military does/is. Slowly realized that my entire upbringing and worldview were toxic horseshit, and let depression and PTSD rage unchecked because I was afraid of losing my clearance for seeking help. Finally couldn't take it, quit, and went back to school. Got a masters in compsci and was working on a PhD when the PTSD started to get overwhelming and got kicked out. Probably for the better anyway, I was basically a glorified DHS intern as a phd student. I'm out of that situation now but I don't know what to do with my life. Everything I know and all of my skills feel like poison, I don't even believe in science anymore. Like in the sense that I don't believe it can be used for the benefit of humanity rather than building imperial militaries or police states. I am struggling
Hello, oil baby here. My dad was a physicist for big oil and my mom was a geologist. Your whole life isn’t a lie. We went through this so we can help the world change. No one said this would be easy. Of course you still believe in science and you better never say that again. Make big choices, get somewhere new where you can find hope and pull yourself out of this. We need you
Look I'm sure you mean well but I've been hearing roughly the same line my entire life. "Nobody said it would be easy, the world needs you!" I've listened before, and all it's gotten me is some unknowable amount of blood on my hands (complete with recurring detailed nightmares from the times I've watched the end results of my work) and completely discarded from society when it started affecting my mental health. The world is legitimately a worse place for the scientific endeavors I've been part of, and it absolutely does not need another overconfident white guy who was raised to be an oppressor and has been marinating in propaganda for the better part of 3 decades. It's got enough of those already, strictly to the detriment of everybody living here
Hey man you’ve got nothing but agreeance from me. You’re 100 percent right. I moved from the Deep South to the pacific north west because I was horrified by my roots and by what my family contributed to. But I have zero excuses for not having a better attitude, more resilience and at least attempting to better the world. You’re not wrong, but none of your feelings change the fact that the world does, in fact, need your brain power- especially if you’re capable of such deep introspection. I value you. I hope you can start to value yourself.
You are fucking awesome.
My siblings feel the same way. Three of us and zero grandkids. Trying to live lightly upon this earth and not commit the same sins as the ones before us.
I just hope we haven’t permafucked this planet
If you have a doctor that you can see, you could ask about trying Prazosin for the nightmares. It's a blood pressure medication that has been shown to reduce PTSD nightmares, and getting better quality sleep can make a huge difference in your ability to handle everything else. It's a dirt-cheap medication with minimal side effects, and it's not a controlled substance that shows up on anything.
I'm sorry. ❤️
Just like everyone else i guess?
Got born as a “baby”, was taught how to “adult”, how to think about concepts like “mathematics” and “politics”;
Had fun while complexity emerged from its singularity but sooner or less the silliness of it starts to break the immersion and you stop waking up.
I was born in the USA.
My father and I had the same name which one part derives from a distant relative. He told me for ten plus years that I was the nth of that name when it really was just us. I had been so proud! Really mean trick on a child.